BLAND OF BROTHERS
Slutty pukes on the carpet and then goes to bed and cuddles up with a bottle of neat vodka. Fool sadly cleans up the vom and stares at a godzilla lamp for ages. Is this like performance art or something? Tracey gets a line but she is off camera when it happens. Grrr. Later Fool tries to talk to Slutty but she huddles under her pregnancy-away quilt and says she is too drunk to concentrate. Fool puts her wedding ring back on. Dear Fool, when making romantic gestures it is best if the other person is conscious. Just a thought. Teen pops round too and confiscates Slutty's vodka. Bitch.

Teen is sad that her mother is a drunk and her boyfriend is AWOL. She goes out for a drink with Mickney to cheer up, gets really drunk, dances around, falls over and makes a fool of herself. Also that shoulder-emphasising boob tube is a big mistake. Mickney carries her home (where she sobers up in a nanosecond) and she moans about being dumped. Mickney cheers her up and is quite sweet. After he has gone Teen leaves a rambling message on Denman's phone.

DJ Ross is in the pub when Adull storms in and smacks him in the face. Ha ha. Sadly they then spoilt this high point by having loads of boring conversation afterwards. The two bros and Martina convene in the Ferriera kitchen and argue. Martina slaps them both and leaves them to sort it out. DJ Ross moans that he is a spoilt brat and that nice things should only happen to him. God, shut up, DJ Ross! Adull says - well, nice things happen to me now too, so screw you dude. DJ Ross apologises for being such a brat and they all make up. Zzzz.

Dadfriend comes to the "club" to confront Shazza and "Stern mummy" LadyDen. LadyDen does her patented "folded arms plus hacky look" combo special move. Shazza is all "I am sick of the craziness, you sort it out while I go off and think about my hot brother". LadyDen is rude to Dadfriend and ignores him. Dadfriend points out that LadyDen could have made Vickney dump him ages ago if she had said "He seems like a sensible young man". He says that Vickney is home sick and wants to go home (i.e. I am sick of her, get her out of my house) and appears to win LadyDen over a bit (though I bet it is just LadyDen doing "wiles").

Mmartin is locked up in police cells. Glenn models her bruises for a police photographer and makes evil faces. The police quiz Mmartin - first of all he denies everything but then he says that yes, he might have shaged Glenn, he did go round and yes he did throw her at an ikea chest of drawers, but that shit is really flimsy and wouldn't leave much of a mark. Honest. The police return him to the cells and say they will be able to tell if Glenn self-inflicted her bruises. (dear police, try a hot flannel or spit on a hanky or something). Mmartin realises that Glenn has sprung a cunning trap so that Mmartin is locked away while she goes and moiders his entire family (including pet puppy). Glenn is released and stops limping as soon as she is out sight of the cops. Mmartin tries to phone Moomin but Glenn is there and cuts the phone cable with a folding knife. Yikes. Moomin is pottering around all ignorant while Glenn makes more evil faces. dun dun dunhhhhh!