THE TREASURE OF SARAH MAD-RE
Backstreet wakes Fool up and berates him for his mentalist spazz-attack. For one hideous moment it looks like he is going to get into bed with him. Brrr. Fool spends the whole day apologising to all the people he dissed and trying to convince them (and Sham in particular) that he is still mentally competent. Teen pops up to say she has heard from Slutty.

Vickney and her wack hair shock Shazza and LadyDen by having Dadfriend spend the night under the Watts roof. LadyDen puts on a false smile and invites them round for lunch. She acts all friendly and tricks Dadfriend into admitting that Vickney is jailbait. Later on, Poline is taking Betty for a walk (Dear Poline, when you take a dog for a walk you are supposed to let the dog walk on its own and not just carry it while you walk around) when she runs into Vickney & Dadster. She marches round to moan at LadyDen and LadyDen admits she has a cunning plan. What could the spiral-permed minx be up to, eh?

Byrite tells Quentin that he can still get the money to buy the bookies chain by persuading Sham to sell the Vic. He tells Quent that Sham is like a faithful and obedient dog that just wants to please its master. Sham? dog? I ain't touching that one. He asks her and she says she'll think about it. Minty pops up and uses cunning reverse psychology ("Maybe you should sell the Vic if it is too hard for your tiny blonde brain to cope with it, etc") to stop her selling up. When Byrite finds out he makes a hacky face and glares at Minty.

Jim distracts Dole Scum Keef with a game of chess while Rainman stacks up all the shite they have dumped in the street in front of the Dole Scum Residence. When Keef finds out he puts it back in front of Dot and Jim's house together with loads of extra shite, out of spite. Why doesn't Byrite make himself useful and kneecap the lot of them. All the viewers would love him for it.

Juley and Mickney open their shit jewellery stall. Next!

Betty Boiler Glenn puts a note through MMartin's letterbox saying "Soon we will be together forevah, mwa ha ha! Love S xxx." Poline finds it but thinks it is from Moomin. Glenn turns into Anneke Rice FROM HELL and sets up a lame treasure hunt thing for Mmartin to follow clues all round Walford. Cue lots of scenes of Mmartin standing round clutching his head and saying things like "Where the eagle doth sleep is where the next clue I keep." So. Very. Poor. Amongst the clues, Mmartin finds a carved wooden box to keep creepy lurve tokens like severed fingers etc and a book ("Erotomania for Dummies"?) and a photo of Glenn simpering. The final clue takes him to Park of Contemplation where he finds Glenn. Glenn witters about how they are together forever now that Moomin has been packed off. She has set up a romantic picnic and bought him a ring and everything. Mmartin tells her that he hates her and never wants to see her face again. He smashes up the picnic and throws all the doilies and saucy nibbles into disarray while Glenn twitches and flinches comically. He stomps off and Glenn grabs her phone and cals Moomin; "Hey sonia! Your husband's a slagggg!" Actually the episode ends after she says hello....