MARRY ME, SIMPLETON

Vickney and shazza cook a special "no more shower time sodomy" dinner for Den Jr but he hasn't show up by the end of the episode. Teen wanders round asking people what to get for Charlie for his birthday. Dot goes to see the vicar and explains that she has lost her faith. Vicar says "faith is a journey. blah blah blah." Dot: "nice try, homily boy."

Backstreet still has delusions of entrepeneurial grandeur. He goes to see his helium voiced, ironically mulleted contact and buys a load of whisky miniatures. Fool won't let him sell them in the Vic and warns him that he might get into trouble with the law for selling booze without a license. Backstreet: "you're just jealous because I am a master salseman." Moon: "Not." Backstreet: runs off and cries.

Slutty and Moon continue to flirt and gaze dopily at each other while Ethel 2.0 wanders round saying wise, rain man type things. Shut up Ethel 2.0.

Bad Brotha has reverted to his whorin', gamblin', boozin' ways. The John Hannah looking social worker comes round to discuss access and so on but Bad Brutha says "no" for reasons that don't really make any sense. Later him and Dr Perv hug and learn etc.

It looks like Pat used up her quota of bad-ass-ness for the year when she smacked down Ian last night as she has reverted back to wimpy disappointing mode. Ian sneers at her and says that Simpleton will think she was in cahoots with Ian about the catering contract. Pat is too chicken to come clean to simpleton. Later on Baz is mean to her and suggests that she move to Beckton (ewww) to be a housekeeper in a dickensian flop house. Wimpy Pat packs her bags and is all set to move to Beckton but leaves a note for Simpleton first. Simpleton reads the note in front of Baz at the caff and when he gloats about Pat leaving Simpleton gets this totally evil look on her face and says "Don't make me angry, you won't like me when I'm angry" and then throws him out without serving him. Awesome. I never thought I would say this but I heart Simpleton. Simpers talks Pat down from the Beckton Bus and forgives her for the industrial espionage thing. After Pat has gone home, Simpleton looks all evil again and grasses Ian up to Fill.