IAN, PHIL, AND SHREK TOO

Jim calls the ambulance and frets about Dot. The police arrive almost immediately (OK OK I won't start), and one of the PCs also seems to be moonlighting at Sainsbury's according to the latest Jamie Oliver ad. Ma Slater is let out of the plot cupboard so that she can dispense tea and platitudes for Jim at the Orspital.

Nat frets about Dot. Poline arrives to interfere and tell the coppers about Mystery Collector. Dot is ensconced in the EE Room Of Death, with drips and machines that go ping.

Meanwhile, back at the Mitchells, Phil, Minty and a bloke who looks like Shrek prepare to steal Ian's money in the Big Poker Game. Ian arrives and acts like a complete and utter prat but we don't mind because we like watching Phil going interesting shades of puce under the barrage of taunts. Ian goes to the toilet and Phil checks his cards while he's out. The cheating so-and-so!

Barry finds out that Juhneen has been Up To No Good over at the cave and has a go at her. She produces a repaired and re-framed picture of Roy and has a go back. A penitent Barry (fool) apologises and gives her the manager's job. This girl is wasted in an East End car lot - she should be working for Dr Evil or something.

Ian wins stacks of cash and gets very very drunk. Phil tries to call his bluff with what he thinks is a winning hand. Ian carries on taunting him and throwing money around. Then Phil reveals his hand. Ian counters with a straight and pockets the money - so he's now Phil's Enemy Number One. Woohoo...