BACKSTREET BOY BECOMES BACKSTREET MAN

Jim wants to go to tea dances and stuff with Dot but she doesn’t have time because the vicar asks her to read at church. Jesus, how long does it take to prepare for that? Pat can’t get a job and has to swallow her pride and accept a job as Bab’s housekeeper. Fill is still muttering angrily about losing money to Ian. Boo hoo. Get over it, Fill. Vickney finds the funeral notice for Mother of Den Jr and her and Shazza decide to go.

It is Backstreet’s 18th birthday. Ethel 2.0 is so senile she forgets to put half of his birthday cake in the oven and the others are so fucking stupid that it never occurs to them that you could actually cook both halves of the cake non-simultaneously. Fool tells Backstreet that a good way to get laid is to pull someone who is uglier than you. There is a party in E20 and all the EE Teen Muppet Brigade (Asif, vickney, Kellay, MY Gus, Teen) hang around and make fun of Backstreet. He chats up a girl but then she overhears him discussing his “pull ugly bird” theory and runs off. Backstreet is sad. Kellay says that she will do it with him and says “she knows a place they can go”. Backstreet says he is a virgin and Kellay says “no shit, sherlock” and drags him off to a piss stained mattress in an alley behind the allotments.

Juhneen decides to take radical action to get her job back. When Cave-Baz won’t open the door she buys a curry for him and wafts fumes through the letter box which does the trick. The house is piled with crap and broken glass and Baz keeps watching the same 2 second video loop of his kid. It is like installation art gone terribly wrong. Juhneen tidies up , gives him curry, collects post from the car lot, tells him that she is worried about him and that she stopped talking to Rickay because he did such a bad wrong thing. She hugs Barry and smiles her special Juhneen-being-evil smile.