THE RETURN OF JUHNEEN PT 2: FASTER JUHNEEN! KILL! KILL!

Shazza and Vickney bond over the family tree thing. Boring. It is Poline’s birthday but she doesn’t want to do anything because she is sad. Gay Pike and Dot arrange a little party eating fish and chips in the laundrette, which counts as fun if you’re Poline. Fool tries to scare away the last barmaid with a spider but she is not a 1950s parody of femininity and just puts it outside. Then she gets a job (she applies and is offered the job all in one day. as if…) and leaves anyway. I’m glad all that bollocks is over and done with.

Undercover Kyert has apparently spent the whole night with Mean Bald Bloke in the Undercover Kar. He says she has to check the house for weapons. Fill is so obsessed with the thought of Kyert’s nubile loins that he doesn’t care that Dan is back. Kyert goes round for the evening and looks for guns while Fill is dealing with mini-Fill. She doesn’t find any shootahs but she does find a big wad o’ cash in the freezer.

It is also Natalie’s birthday. Her hair looks rotten, by the way. Bazza runs around organising a surprise birthday party and gives her a car for a present. Natalie makes spiteful faces. Juhneen goes into scheming overdrive, trying to stop Rickay leaving with Sham as her witless puppet. First she tries to make Sham tell Nat that Rickay slept with her, then she tries to arrange for Nat to discover Sham and Rickay kissing or something. Sham is really useless though. I think you need a new witless puppet, Juhneen. In the end Juhneen basically tells Bazza to get his fat arse over to the war memorial where Nat and Rickay are meeting before they go on the lam. R and N and the baybay are driving away in Nat’s new car when Bazza stops them. Rickay shouts “keep driving!” but even Nat isn’t hard hearted enough to dump Baz and run him over on the same day. Nat tells Baz that she is leaving him and Bazza looks horrified. I suppose I would feel quite sorry for him if I didn’t hate him with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.