THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF EVANS

Roy collapses on the floor and weezes and clutches his chest etc. Bazzer rushes in and shouts to Pat “What did you do to him?” What a C U Next Tuesday. Barry is so hateful in this episode that I spent the whole time trying to think of a new nickname for him but could only come up with “fuckface”. Anyway Dr Perv shows up but luckily the paramedics arrive before he can kill Roy. They cart him off to hospital and Pat and Baz follow. Baz says that if Roy dies he’ll have no family left at all. Fuck off, Barry.

Bad bro, Dr Perv and Trini-Dad bicker about the goddamn baby and Dr Perv ends up saddled with it. The baby pukes on his shoulder. Oh the hilarity. It’s “Three Men and a Baby” for the new millennium!

Undercover Kyert goes for dinner with Fill and Babs but Babs starts rambling on about how much fill likes Kyert and Kyert is “conflicted” and has to leave. Later on in the Undercover Kyar, mean baldy bloke says that she has to choose what side she is on.

It is St Patricks day so there is a tsunami of shamrock themed non-comedy. Trini-Dad and Jim try to prove that they are Irish so they can get cheap drinks. Ethel 2.0 says they have to prove it by singing Irish songs. Kill me now. Ian pops up to mock simpleton with his new found wealth. Two words Simpers: “divorce” “lawyer”. Ethel2.0 talks about “courting before the war” which would make her about 80 if they meant WW2. Perhaps it was the Gulf War.

At the hospital Roy wakes up and the Dr says he has a good chance of making it (or he did until Dr “Death” Perv had a go). Pat says that Baz can go and see him first but apparently Roy was asking for Pat. Ha ha! Pat has to grovel and prove her innocence to Roy yet again (Roy keeps accusing her of lying, whilst conveniently forgetting that he spent three months standing on a hillside with Her From Widows whilst supposedly “at a car auction in Enfield”). In the end he forgives her. When Baz goes in, Roy says that he is giving him the business. Baz: “But I’m stupid and always mess up!” Roy: “My evil, competent son is no longer on the show! I don’t have any choice.” Pat and Baz go home to let Roy rest.

Then there is a weird thing where they cut between Ethel 2.0 singing in the pub and Roy flatlining in the hospital. Sing Ethel sing!. Roy being shocked etc. More singing. Roy dying. Ethel killing him softly with her song. Roy dead. Ethel looking guilty. What was that all about? Pat and Baz get the phone call from hospital and look sad.