I'M A LOSER PHIL, SO PLEASE TAKE MY BAYBAY (AND KILL ME)

Death In the Sun: The Fill and Lisa Story, Pt 3

So here we are at the edge of the cliff. Fill is purple apart from his little ginger beard, Lisa is cowering about five inches from the edge of a very high cliff, clutching MiniFill and whimpering. My first: "Oh get a fucking grip!" shout of the evening.

Lisa won't come away from the edge until Fill gives her his nasty jacket. She wipes her bloody nose on the sleeve (the nation goes: "ahaaaaa!"). A man walks his encouragingly large Alsatian close by, but confuses Squeaky's shouting with a particularly harsh seagull and moves on. I mean, if you you're walking your dog along a cliff, and there's this squeaking, blood-stained woman and baby cowering at the cliff edge being shouted at by a potato-headed thug, you'd think: "Oh they're OK." and walk on, wouldn't you?

A roll of thunder appears from nowhere, and Fill suggests they take refuge in a convenient abandoned cottage. Firewood appears magically from nowhere, and Fill makes a fire before embarking on Operation Soften Up Squeaky. He starts off with compliments, telling her that he missed the two of them. Squeaky is suspicous. When the nice stuff doesn't work, Fill reverts to the usual Mitchell modus operandi. He hacks away at Squeaky's fragile self-confidence, telling her over and over again that she is mad, a mess, a bad mother, and threatens to have her committed for being a gun-wielding maniac blah blah. There's some stuff about a recurring dream about Squeaky being left alone by her dad and the miscarried baby, which Fill uses as proof that she's a nutter.

Actually, the actors were fairly convincing and I did find myself shouting at Squeaky to get the baybay, get the fuck out of there and leave Mr Potato Head to languish in his own self-pity.

Moving on. Squeaky is by now a snivelling pile of snot and blood. Fill snatches MiniFill and walks off, telling Squeaky that he will grass her up for attempted murder (the fact that he'd go down for perjury is mentioned in one of Squeaky's momentary flashes of logic, but brushed aside hastily). She returns to the cliff edge and snivels some more. Fill takes his jacket back and walks away.

Lisa is alone on the edge. Will she jump? Will she stagger away, get found by a former US Marine turned drifter and karate expert who will take her under his wing, teach her the Way of the Warrior Woman plus a few shit-hot kicks and moves, so that Lisa returns to Walford as a black clad Ninja looking for her baybay and to finish the job on Fill?