Jaymee’s funeral and therefore a very boring episode. A kray brother style funeral procession shows up complete with horses with black plumes and the word “Jaymee” spelt out in three feet high letters made of flowers. Sonia, Fill and Martin all stare gimpily out of windows. Poline goes round with a wreath but Babs tells her to fuck off. Sonia crouches in the corner of a darkened room and says she isn’t going to the funeral. Jim comforts her and sends Robbie to the funeral on his own. Gus reappears out of the plot cupboard, as does the Comedy Vicar. “Dot” phones up and dictates a note to sonia. Wow, how thoughtful, don’t they have stamps in 1940s Wales or wherever the fuck she’s supposed to be. Anyway the note makes Sonia go to the funeral. Blah blah, religious funeral type stuff. Sonia shows up near the end and gives a tearful speech. She says she wants to play the song they always play when they are doing it and produces a portable CD player form beneath her skirt. The song is Everfuckinggreen by Will Young. Trite-o-rama. Back at the Vic, Fill makes a speech about how once someone mistook Jaymee for his son when they were driving a van in Catford. Okayyyy. Fill later goes to the arches, waves a spanner round and makes tearful bitch faces. Sonia and Jim go to the funeral and debate as to whether Jaymee is “with Ethel” now. Sonia txts “XXX” to the afterlife, where Vodafone has really great coverage. Yes, sonia, I am sure that there is hardcore pornography in heaven.

In other news, Slutty worries about her table manners and Kellay tries to prove that she is an entrepeneuse. Poline moans that her children are everything to her and she couldn’t stand to lose Martin. Moral Maze Mark tells Martin to plead “not guilty” at his hearing as “it won’t bring Jaymee back if Martin goes to prison”. Martin sits on Losers Bench and twitches. Sullen gets all sentimental at the funeral and decides that AGary is “the One” for her, cunningly forgetting that she shagged both Beppe and that other bloke. Ian lurks around tormenting AGary. Gary is just about to tell sullen about the baybay when Ian appears again and tells Gary that Lynn doesn’t have to know if Gary can get Simpleton thrown out of the Slaters and away from Walford.