HFG proves that her heart is as hard as her face when she dumps Martin on the day of his hearing. Martin goes to the (off screen) youth court and then announces to the whole of the market that he has pleaded guilty.

Babs orders a pedicure from Geordie Kate and then leaves the house when she is due to arrive, so that Kate and Fill are stuck in a room alone together. Fill still isn’t having anything to do with Minifill because she reminds him that everything rots and dies. Fill and Kate sit in the rain and talk about death. Wow, I have been on dates like that too. Fill realises that he is lucky to have Minifill and invites Kate round for dinner.

Slutty apologises for getting drunk and making a show of herself at the posh dinner. Kellay teases her for being old and going out with a boring fart like Dr P so Slutty makes Dr P come out clubbing with her. He wears a really gay shirt and dances like a spaz. Backstreet shows up wearing his grand-dad’s dinner jacket but Kellay laughs at him so he runs away. Ethel 2.0 cheers him up.

Rickay spends the whole day poignantly stroking Nat’s hair band. Barry cooks a posh French dinner for Nat but it is spoiled when she goes out to get some wine and ends up cavorting with Rickay on his sofa, the hussy.

AGary gives Simpleton the holiday money so she can move into the B&B. Um, why doesn’t she go and stay with her parents? Maybe they disowned her when she turned into such a raging shrewbag. Anyway, Ian lurks around looking baleful and then announces to the entire Vic that AGary is the father. All the Slaters look shocked and appalled.