MASQUERADE
I had people round while this was on, so it’s all a bit confused and I probably missed something really important. Oh well.

Everyone is making a big fuss about the St George’s Day fancy dress party. Mo has acquired some costumes from somewhere, which she is hiring out cheaply. Minty dresses up as Churchill and shows his non comedy stylings by doing a bad Churchill impression. AGarry dresses up as Henry 8th and gets all the other Slater women (plus Davetta) to dress up as wives (though I prefer Jojo’s original choice of a Ginger Spice outfit). AGarry is still horny and desperate to pull – he tries macking on ETina but she sends him packing. Teen is back, btw.

LadyDen wears a Cleopatra outfit and says she is Elizabeth Taylor – even though the clothes that Liz Taylor wore for real from the 60s to the 80s would have made a much funnier costume. Curly dresses up as Tom Baker/Doctor Who. Dot wears a crown with her normal sensible coat and Poline dresses up as Brittania, complete with bin lid shield and garden fork trident. Heh. Jim is supposed to be Michael Caine (cue another bad impression) but in his sharp 60s suit and mop style fright wig he looks more like Jim Pertwee Dr Who. Dot sends him off to order the furniture while she goes to the party with Poline.

Billy wants to dress up as a cowboy and spends ages expaining about English cowboys. I don’t care! Shut up! In the end he shrinks his horrid fringed shirt in the wash and has to put as towel on his head and go as Lawrence of (Sexy) Arabia(n Blokes) instead. He has a nice chat with Drippy, just to make sure they are all friends before the whole Drippy/Slutty/Fool/Billy love quadrangle kicks off.

Pat dresses up as a tran-tastic Diana Dors, complete with blonde wig and glittery black dress. Mo makes fun of her and Pat says they should bury the hatchet and buys her a drink. I don’t know who ETina is supposed to be in her red pleather bustier– a famous whore? Lee and Tony Bennett aren’t allowed to be served until they put a costume on, so Lee goes and changes into his West Ham pyjamas so he can stand by the bar and gaze at LadyDen’s norks all evening. Tony Bennett puts on a lame hat. Is he supposed to be Maurice Gibb or something? ETina gives him the cold shoulder until he offers to buy her a drink so they can have a proper talk. At the bar, he runs into JoJo and tells her to stay away from Davetta. Jojo says “She needs all the friends she can get while you’re neglecting her so much” Touche. Tony Bennett ditches ETina and goes to chat with Davetta. ETina strops off home. I should make a macro for this phrase to go along with my “Teen is whiny and clingy” macro.

Jim defies Dot and, instead of buying a three-piece suite, buys a little car instead, so they can go to all the places they ever wanted to go. Like Chigwell. It is one of those really old fashioned, half timbered ones, I think. I am rubbish at cars. Dot is shocked and appalled.

Drippy is dressed as one of AGarry’s Elizabethan damsels. She mopes around and pines for Fool. Some mysterious bloke shows up at the party dressed as Richard the Lionheart, complete with chainmail armour and a full face helmet. Who could it be? I bet you can never guess. LadyDen announces the costume winner and it is the mystery King Richard. He takes off his helmet and it is Fool. Surprise! Drippy makes a simpery face.