Martin has his date and ends up making out with that girl on a war memorial. He passes yet another of Gay Pike's wierd gnomic tests and is thus trusted to live on his own while Gay Pike is away on business.

Jaymee manages to creep into the Vic and steal Squeaky's baby record book.

Charlie and Babs go on their non date (to a a restaurant that looks uncannily like the interior of E20) and dance a rather sedate twist together. Babs has fun and is giddy. Fill sulks like the Freudian Freakboat that he is.

Fucking Shane Ritchie is still the worse landlord ever. I guess no-one bothers with P45's and National Insurance numbers in Walford then. He is supposed to be interviewing for a new barmaid. Slutty sits by the bar and insults him all evening. However, enraptured by her leopardskin nylonette top and sassy repartee, he gives her the bar job.

Simpleton and Ian try to come to terms with the fact that their son is a psychopath. Simpleton (wearing out of character Diesel jeans, I notice) is still snide and hateful. When he comes home DCSteven tries to say that Juhneeen planted the evidence on him and then hides in his room. They drag him out to talk and he says he was doing it to fight back against the adult world of lies and filthiness. Later on they are talking about what to do with him and Ian says "He's not even my son, he's Cindy's bastard spawn!" Of course, Steven is standing right behind him. Ruh roh.

Juhneen gets a "date" with a punter and quivers digustedly. she tells Rickay that she has got a job in an "arty bar" in Shoreditch and gets all tarted up. She goes to the punter's house (snivelly middle aged bloke) who asks her to do something "special". Juhneen looks even more disgusted but we know she loves it really.

Steven asks "who's my real dad" and I shout "SATAN!!" at the TV. He says he is glad he isn't Ian's son as he hates Ian and goes off to live with Pat. Pat goes to the Vic and tells everyone that it was Steven and not Juhneen. She goes to ring Juhneen and sees one of her ho-cards in the phone box. Juhneen shows up looking all tearful and traumatised but it turns out that she didn't shag the punter after all.

Later on Shirtless Ian is looking through Simpleton's handbag for headache pills when he finds her special ovary diary or something. He asks what it is and Simpleton admits that she thinks she is pregnant. Excellent!