I would just like to express my solidarity with Sarah in the "hating Shane Ritchie" stakes. He wears another vile shirt and has to tell more ludicrous lies when a mate of Chris Whats-is-name shows up to see him. Slutty is wearing a wierd red and black lacy blouse like she thinks she is in Carmen or something. Shane Ritchie scrapes through but who cares. Bite me, Shane Ritchie.

Everyone is excessively excited about the stupid pub quiz. MY Gus is sad because he hasn't got a team to be on.

Moomin befriends the Louise Woodward lookin' Irish nanny to get up-to-date intel about the goings on in the Mitchell household. The cops go round and point out to Fill that Squeaky has not been seen in her flat for two weeks and that the Portugese filth actually spoke to Mel, not Squeaky. Fill says "Now that you come to mention it, Squeaky was suicidial with grief. Yeah, that's it!". The lady copper says "Chinny reckon!" and tells Fill not to leave Walford.

Mo continues her sacred quest to prevent Martin from getting his end away.

Simpleton skips around going "hurrah, I''m pregnant!" while Ian pulls sour faces. They go to the doctor and Ian gets Dr Perv to play along by wiggling his eyebrows significantly. Ian tells Dr Perv not to tell anyone he has had the snip. Dr Perv pulls a sad face as he knows he is totally unable to respect client confidentiality in any form.

DC Steven sits stoney faced with glycerine smeared on his eyes. come on kid, act! Pat shows him pictures of Nick Berry and tells him all about him (all that shit is before my EE watching time however) whilst emphasisng that Ian is his real dad. Ian and Simpleton go round to tell him that Simpleton is about to produce another freakish satanic baby to keep him company. DC Steven says he wants to go to New Zealand to visit Nick Berry. Ian pulls a gurny face.