SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I JOJO
The hitherto unknown Walford Masonic Lodge and Benevolent Fund has set Ian a task to prove that he is worthy of joining the ranks of the lower middle classes. He must stage a World Cup party for the kiddies of Walford, complete with killer bouncy castle and buxom Swedish blondes serving meatballs for that cosmopolitan touch. Only the Swedish blondes are banned by the Evil Home Office, so it's up to Carly and GADawn to don the horned helmets for huge sums of money. Ian also pays Bradley to dress up as a Paraguayan, but even Bradders realises that there aren't that many ginger Paraguayans around and bribes Jim with a bottle of tequila and a poncho to take his place. Poor old Panto Jane ends up prancing around in a giant lion costume. It's all a big success. The head of the Walford Masonic etc appears to be iconic pop artist and Ruralist painter Peter Blake, complete with unconvincing South Armagh accent. Peter witters on about social cohesion and thinking outside the box. He asks Ian if the giant lion in a dress, scaring small children is Ian's wife. Ian apologises and says that she won't be around long. None of his wives are, after all, but Peter says that a Mason needs a wife who is going to get "stuck in". Well, Grant would know all about that, eh? eh?

There is a classic comedy moment when Ian whispers sweet nothings about calling the shots into the lion's ear, only to discover that PJane has swapped places with Fill. Fill blushes (I think) and says he never puts out on a first date.

Parklife's triangle of tedium continues while Mrs Goggins blows cold and freezing. Eventually he gets a snog, but then Owen (please see blogpoll opposite for possible nicknames) turns up and upsets Chelski. Then he upsets Parklife. And @@@ reckons her parents are going to get back together. She also reckons that Mrs G will let her go and visit her nan on the Costa Del BlueRinse. Owen does his best to get us to see past the shifty 80s hair and find the hero inside himself. It almost works until he confronts Parklife in the car lot, intimating that Parklife may be intimidated by the naughty pigeons, and therefore not good enough for Mrs Goggins. He throws something and Parklife throws him roughly to the floor or something. Anyway. They're not friends.

Incidentally, there was much mention of the first Mrs Parklife who, in the best soap tradition, "ran off". So we can expect a tearful Parklife family reunion around August, I reckon.

Minty and SJ (Sara Jane, apparently) get closer until SJ reveals that she stole stuff off an old boyfriend. Yeah? My ex took my guitar, sold my books and kept the money, the bastard... Anyway Minty isn't so sure, but can't bear the thought of being stuck in of an evening listening to AGarry's latest barrel of misogyny. So what does he do? Suggest that AGarry gets a hobby or joins and evening class? Arrange to spend Manly Man time with his best mate? Of course not! He goes and buys an overchromed Vespa (Parklife is allowed a Quadrophenia moment) and says he's driving to Berlin with SJ on the pillion. AGarry: sad. And confused. Sooo confused.

JoJo doesn't want Bradley to know about JoJo Ma, so tries to make out that she's not interested any more. Bradley arranges romantic evening in with her favourite slasher movie, and tries to prove how hard he is by letting her sucker punch him. When he gets his breath back, JoJo says she's still not going to talk about her mum. Bradley says they might as well finish if she's not going to let him in (metaphorically speaking, all that other stuff comes next week). JoJo says if he doesn't like it, then he's dumped. Bradley points out that he dumped her first. JoJo: sad.

But soon JoJo is sad no more. Bradley weasels JoJo Ma's address out of Big Mo, and turns up just as JoJo is trying to unblock the sink or something. JoJo Ma goes all fluttery and daft. JoJo sends her out for more pills while she rips Bradley's throat out. Then Bradley tells her that he loves her. JoJo melts, and Bradley deals quite well with JoJo Ma. Hurrah! Bradley 4 JoJo 4evah!

Over at the Dolescums, I think Jake, Gus and Juley have thrown Keef out of the plot cupboard, because here he is, still moaning about the wedding that will never be. Babs gives Rosa a makeover that involves curling her hair a bit and putting on mascara. Keef pretends not to notice. Rosa gets desperate and tries to seduce him wearing nothing more than an England shirt. Keef feels one of his sick headaches coming on, and points out that Aaron Lennon would probably like his shirt back. She should have got a no. 10 shirt. Rosie: frustrated.