OOH AH JUST A SQUIGGLE BIT
Apologies for the shoddy service of late – work has calmed down and hopefully when the world cup finishes I will actually get round to watching EE again!

Denise is all discombobulated after receiving mystery flowers and I correctly guess that she is worried about a stalkeriffic SHADOW FROM THE PAST!!! It turns out that @@@’s (I refuse to call her Squiggle) deadbeat dad Owen has reappeared and is looking to make contact with the family again. Owen is really familiar but I can’t think what I have seen him in before. Oh well. Owen is all “I just want to see my daughter” but Denise is all “no! never!” Ohnowen says he isn’t a drunk any more and just wants fatherly justice and contact rights etc. Give it three weeks and he will be chained to the railway bridge in a spiderman outfit. Denise tries to hide in the house with @@@ but @@@ gets bored and runs away! Gasp! But then nothing happens! Not gasp! Parklife is wrapped up in all this too and gets sick of Denise shouting/hiding/disappearing etc. Why don’t you go and feed the pigeons, Parklife, I understand that that gives you an enormous sense of well being.

It is Moomingran’s funeral. Martin insists that they let Moomin come so she can use her powers to stop Chloebecca crying and making a fuss etc. Chloebecca then wants to ride in the car with Moomin and Poline makes sour faces – as obviously at Chloebecca’s gran’s funeral it is Poline’s feelings that are paramount. Bitch. Moomin thinks she is getting on fine with Martin but then sees him snogging Carly. Moomin is sad. It is obv totally unreasonable for Martin to start going out with a fit blonde bird after she told him their marriage was ovah and dumped him for another woman.

Ian has a midlife crisis or something and offers to join a charitable …um charity thing and cater a world cup dinner fundraising malarkey for free. Jane is like “thanks bitch, I’m going to have peel all the potatoes for this thing aren’t I? As well as looking after your satanic brood and putting up with your unsavoury sexual demands.” She moans to Pat but insists that she still lurves Ian. Yes, but do you love him as much as GRANT’S COCK? eh?? eh???

Meanwhile, world cup fever sweeps the square!! ie Trini-dad puts up an eponymous flag. No mention that England is basically outplayed for 80 mins by a couple of Sandals resorts however. (yes, I stole that joke from the grauniad…)

There is some nonsense about Bert annoying Charlie and Bradley that need not unduly detain us.

Oh great, La famille Dole Scum have reappeared from the plot cupboard. It’ll need a good airing out after having Keef in it for 6 weeks. He is moaning about the wedding and finds out from Phoney that a wedding license only lasts for one year. Keef has a cunning plan…

Minty meets an attractive Australian woman who has got lost on the way to the nearest branch of Walkabout. He changes her tire and they get on well. Isn’t that nice. Her name is SJ so thanks a lot to the EE writers for giving her a name that is easy to type.

Bradley wants Jojo to meet a mate of his from work (there is no picture of said “mate” on the BBC website so I can’t scan him with my gaydar sadly, but I bet they are more than just mates if you know what I’m saying and I think you do) at Scarlett’s but the day he picks turns out to be a stripper night. Good one, you muppet. Jo Jo doesn’t want to go and then storms out in disgust at such blatant displays of patriarchal objectification etc. The stripper turns out to be Minty’s ozzie blonde foxtress SJ (stands for “Sheila Jylene” methinks). Minty says she can stay at his flat and Garry goes into a jealous rage, esp after SJ makes friends with Naomi too. He thinks that SJ is a common tart who is no better than she ought to be. I thought that was Garry’s type to a tee but never mind.

JoJo hears that Jo-Jo Ma has been released to the care of the community (as that worked out so well last time round) and is going to move to a new flat. She wants to go and move in with her and look after her. No!!! Jo Jo can’t leave!! She’s the best one. Oh she doesn’t go. That’s alright then.