SAMBA PARA DRIPPY
Not-so Gentle Ben wets the bed because he’s apparently wracked with guilt over Drippy’s imminent departure because Kaffee is watching from Footballers’ Wives Heaven and shaking her finger at him. Nah mate, she’s too busy downing vodka and mourning Marcus Tandy. Courtney is bratty again, and says that nobody cares about her mother dying, or that Ben’s a girly bedwetter. Ben finally admits to Drippy that it was all his fault. Drippy thinks again about leaving Walford with Dr Not-As-Cute-As-Mark-Thinks-He-Is. Fill tries to threaten Drippy into keeping quiet about his psycho son, but Drippy says: “Or what, Fatty? I’ve gone to jail for hurting harder men than you, sunshine, so back off!” She doesn’t tell the police anyway because she doesn’t want Ben going the way of his father.

Dr Not-That-Cute and Drippy don’t get back together, and then they nearly do, and then they don’t, and the family all shout: “He’s a DOCTOR! What are you waiting for?” Dr NTC confesses his love and they’re all set to move to Leeds together, but the usual last minute complications mean that JoJo sees GADawn kissing the doctor in a totally platonic way and gets the wrong idea. Drippy clobbers the doctor in the street and it’s all off again. And there’s something about a job running a tea room in Devon. Drippy decides that it’s time to stop being drippy and stand on her own two feet in a place where it doesn’t rain 364 days out of 365, so off she goes to Devon. Buh-bye Drippy and Cute Baby Freddie. Mind the yokels, now.

Beano gets into trouble with Chelski’s little sister, whose name appears to be Squiggle. What, is her mum a fan of middle period Prince or something? Maybe Squiggle has “Slave” written in biro on her hand. There are DIY non-comedy shenanigans, but Beano obtains Chelski’s phone number and Parklife gets to banter with Mrs Goggins again.

PJane’s hair looks quite nice, and I like her lippy too. Grunt calls her and asks her to get something from the Vic for him, but Fill catches her and threatens to spill all to the Bealemeister if she doesn’t confess to Grunt’s whereabouts. Jane says; “Go ahead, and you’ll never see your psycho son again…” Anyway, they meet up and Grunt says that he got into trouble for attacking Senora Grunt’s Brazilian lover, which makes him a wanted man in two continents, doesn’t it? Oh well, Grunt returns anyway, and Courtney is happy. PJane gets twitchier. Senora Grunt returns and surprises Grunt in the bar. A nation gasps. She isn’t blonde or built like a small brick outhouse. What can Grunt see in her?

Moomin and Naomi split up. Good on yer Naomi. More whining about the Moominchild. Poline looks evil. Moomin remembers that Man Sex wasn’t all that bad after all, but then discovers MMartin and Carly at it like knives in Arfur’s Shed. What is it about that shed that excites such passions? Moomin: sad.