WHO’S THE DADLEY?
I missed the very beginning on Monday – stupid football/schedulers etc – but it appears that after last week’s shenans with JoJo Ma, JoJo has let Bradley pillage her loins for the very first time. She is skipping around all happy and in love and Bradley (who seems to be getting the hang of this acting lark) is happy too and mentions to Jim that he has scored (as who would not wish to discuss all their sexual experiences with elderly relatives?) Of course, Jim tells the whole pub. JoJo/Bradley are teased for being a slag/stud respectively and JoJo shouts at Bradley and Bradley shouts at Jim and says that he is a rubbish grandfather. Jim is sad and they bond etc and talk about Jim relationship with his son (Bradley’s dad) whom they have never mentioned before and who just happens to be joining the show later on – what are the chances etc.

Meanwhile there are loads of shoe-horned in scenes where random people say things like “did you see the football last night – we beat Ecuador 1-0 you know!” How topical

Next day, Bradley and JoJo are canoodling in bed. JoJo says she loves Bradley and then is annoyed that he doesn’t say it back. “What is love anyway?” asks Bradley, quoting the wise words of Howard Jones, and they make up and decide to spend the day together and bunk off work. Meanwhile a mystery stranger who looks a bit like Dr Romano off ER appears, takes his crappy car to the garage (how many plots begin with people’s cars breaking down in Walford?) and flirts with Carly about his big end or something repulsive. Of course it turns out to be Jim’s son/Bradley’s dad – he goes and whines to Poline (who is cleaning Jim’s house for when Dot gets back) about how Jim used to play mean tricks on him with Rich Tea biscuits when he was a kid. Dude, get over it. You’re a grown up now and can buy yourself whatever biscuits you like. Jim appears and they bicker, then Bradley appears and they bicker some more. It turns out that Dadley was thrown out 13 yrs ago for cheating on his missis and that Bradley has never seen him since, but now Dadley wants to get to know him etc. He now has a new wife and family and is in trouble with his new missis for cheating on her too. Bradley says he’ll think about it. Dadley goes to get his car and is flirting with Carly some more when his wife appears (who looks a bit like Dr Susan Lewis off ER – spooky!) to tell him off. Dadley begs for forgiveness and suggests they make a new start from his philandering ways – in Walford!!! They look around Tony Bennet’s old house and have a boring argument about infidelity etc – they are both alright actors but no-one cares about the characters yet so shut up. Tanya (the wife) has a look round Walford (ie sticks her head round the door of the pub) and decides she wouldn’t mind living there. It appears that Dadley hasn’t told Tanyah about his ENTIRE OTHER FAMILY LIVING ACROSS THE ROAD – that’s going to work out well then.

Davetta is a bit jealous of JoJo/Bradley and then gets all hot and bothered when she spots Lee canoodling in the club with some random bint. Perhaps someone needs a trip to Anne Summers to buy a “marital aid”? She falls out with JoJo about J using Tony Bennett’s old house as a shag pad but then they make up again leaving JoJo free to hold filthy james bond “theme nights” for Bradley.

Parklife is worried about telling Mrs Goggins that he had a spat with {insert baddy nickname here}. He confides in Dolescum Keef (WHY???) and they argue about whether it is best to be honest/skeazy. Parklife votes for honesty and confesses to the handbags at dawn incident - but then Mrs G shouts that she never wants to see him ever again, as she is wont to do EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. Meanwhile Rosa goes off to the “high street” and reappears with a wedding dress she brought from the Sue Ryder Charity Shop and the news that she has booked a registry office wedding for next week. He decides that he ought to make a bit of an effort and buys some delicious asti spumante to celebrate but then Rosa pulls a job interview for a live-in cleaning/care takery job out of her arse as well. Keef and Dasbo don’t want to move to Norfolk (and I can’t say I blame them). I wonder what hateful hilarious schemes they will come up with to thwart Rosa again.

Agarry is still being a jealous loon re Minty/SJ. After listening to him being sour for hours, they ditch him at the Vic when his back is turned and then AGarry tries the stupid ultimatum approach – saying Minty has to choose to go to Germany with either him or SJ. Minty obv chooses the hot blonde (SJ – not Agarry) but then SJ stands him up anyway.

Ian is still being a dick re the Walford Odd Fellows Society. He keeps going to meetings and sucking up to the two main WOFS members who have been given like a name and lines and stuff – one is a smarmy young metrosexual type bloke and the other one is a mad beardy feller who reminds me a bit of Former Home Secretary Charles Clark. Beardy keeps whittering on about how you have to privileged and special to join the WTF society and also that you need to have a wife who will make pots of jam and be your slave etc. Ian keeps buying him drinks and sucking up to him so Beardy lets Ian offer to help run a charity auction with Jane helping – it turns out to fall on Parent/Teacher night (“Mr Beale – did you realise that Lucy is followed round by demonic crows that do her every bidding? She’s improving at geography though”) so Ian decides to pay cash money to GADawn to be his fake wife instead. I don’t need no good advice to realise that that is all going to end in tears.