DIAL DEN FOR MOIDER! PT 1
I missed large chunks of last week's eps because I wasn't on duty, but here's the gist.

Naomi is dangerous, with her faaancy intellectual nursing talk and visits to art galleries. Moomin falls under her bluestocking spell while Martin glowers until his eyebrows meet his nostrils.

Sham stops washing her hair and puts on the mad eyes every time Ladyden hoves into view. She fails to turn up for work, so caring Ian Beale says: "Get back behind that fryer or you're fired, bitch". Ladyden walks in on some fools' errand (oh yes, the food list for the White Wedding-uh), and Sham is rude to her. Ian sacks Sham. What this place needs is an employment lawyer. They'd clean up in tribunal work. Billy tries to tell everyone that Sham isn't mad, but then she goes around shouting that Ladyden is EEEEVIL, so even Denman thinks she's a bit cracked. And he should know, he is marrying Freud's worst nightmare after all.

Ladyden's cunning plan to sell the Vic is rumbled, and she offers first refusal to Shazz and Denman, who are pathetically grateful, even if Sham is screaming: "She's taking you for prize mugs!" at them.

Meanwhile, Fool is subjected to more of Ethel's tests as he continues to dither between Slaters. Ethel 2.0 pretends that she's poorly. Drippy comes over to look after her and makes her some vegetable soup while Ethel half-heartedly dandles wee Bobby. Fool pulls a soppy face and the nation yawns. Later Slutty turns up with a box of cakes and starts fiddling suggestively with cream horn. Fool gets frisky, but then suddenly remembers that he told Ian that very morning that Drippy was the only woman for him, and backs off. Slutty: cross. Fool: sad. Me: boredboredbored!

Davetta returns from GCSE exile and remarks on how nice the house looks after the fire. Tony B says: "Don't mention the fire. How many A's are you going to get in your GCSEs, young lady?"
Davetta: "Don't mention exams. Can I go and play with Stacey now?" Tony B: "No, I didn't send you to St Custards Seminary for Wayward Young Ladies so that you could consort with common little trollopes like the Slaters. Now eat your lunch and then ETina will take you shopping." Davetta sneaks away and reunites with JoJo in the caff. Slutty lets them play with her makeup and does their nails. Davetta gets 15 A's and 1 B for Needlework or something. TB says she can see JoJo. Hurrah! The skanky teen tearaways are back!

Fool decides to dump Slutty properly over a drink in the nightclub. But just as he's about to start licking Slutty's foot and tell her that it's ovah, Sham calls Slutty to tell her that she's off to confess all at Walford Nick. Slutty shakes Fool off and dashes out, intercepting Sham in the station car park. Sham looks all serene and batty, but Slutty warns her that if Teen gets called back, terrible things will happen.

Demi returns from orspital and sits on the sofa, ignoring Aleesha and hating everyone. About time she started acting like a normal teenager