GOTTERDENARUNG
Missed the first 20 minutes or so but St Nancy Banks-Smith says that Shazza and Denman's nuptials go off without too many hitches. Apart from the little matter of Sham stealing Arfur's pickaxe (on an allotment? Or was he on the chain gang when he was in chokey, and the guards let him keep it as a souvenir?), knocking out poor Silent Tracey ("Er...Ouch!"), and digging up ODen. Well, not all of Den, obviously, just enough to reveala black slip-on shoe (loafers don't say 'ODen' to me, but hey...) for the arresting officer to spot. Back at the station, Sham exchanges her Lara Croft gear for a white jumpsuit, and chats merrily with DI Cheferton and his colleague, who looks a bit like Angie Bowie.

Ladyden is wearinq a green wrap dress that gives me a worse headache than a roomful of Bridget Rileys. She wears it all week. Shazza somehow manages to smuggle out her standard off-the-shoulder black top and jeans, but maybe it’s part of LadyD’s cunning plan to avoid arrest. Denman growls at a younger-than-humanly-possible policeman, saying that he knows it’s ODen but he just wants to make sure. PC Spotty says that ODen isn’t actually recognisable. Denman says: “I don’t care. He was my dad and I need to tell my wife that he’s dead because he was her dad too…err…Look, I hated him anyway. Grrr!”

Everybody shuffles around awkwardly at the street party, until Shazz puts her wedding outfit back on (three paper doilies sewn together and it makes her look like Pregnant Britney. Not. A. Good. Thing.), and insists that everybody rejoices on her wedding day. Drippy goes with Tracey to the hospital, and Billy tries to get Tracey not to press charges. Tracey gives him a “what, and lose another speaking gig?”-look. Billy rushes around looking stricken and trying to find a lawyer with a 40-foot barge pole. Slutty glares at LadyDen and leaves vaguely threatening phone messages for Sham.

DS McHunk seems to have moved on, so DI Cheferton and Angie Bowie take over the interrogation. At first Sham is all “well, it wasn’t me, it was LadyDen. She forced me to bury him and dance on his grave in a sinister midnight ritual”. Then the coppers start bringing up minor inconsistencies in her story (the txt message from beyond the grave, etc), and she can’t yell: “IT WAS THE SCRIPTWRITERS! THEY MADE ME DO IT!” LadyDen breaks into Sham’s flat and plants ODen’s moby in her knicker drawer or something, and then chuckles evilly when she notices bloodstains from the Doorstop of Doom in the kitchen cupboard. Poor Sham! That is where slatternly behaviour lands you, my girl. In prison, in a white paper jumpsuit.

Cheferton and Angie bring LadyDen for questioning but she just repeats: “ODen was a bastard and Sham hates him to the point of insanity” over and over again. I think she’s waiting to be rescued by slightly useless hunting folk or the artist formerly known as Prince or something.

The police come looking for Teen, but the Slaters cheerfully admit to not having seen or heard hide nor hair from her for months. JoJo supplies LadyDen with an alibi that contradicts Sham’s story. After the police have gone, Rainman bellows angrily and tells Slutty and JoJo that Honesty is the Slater way, and that he wants to know why they’re shielding Teen. Slutty and JoJo look incredulous. Drippy looks slightly guilty. They decide to while away the hours by throwing a birthday party for Cute Baby Freddie.

Meanwhile the police have worn Sham down by giving her a grey sweatshirt and denying access to a mirror. Sham cracks and decides to tell them the whole truth, right from the beginning, with Teen’s involvement and everything. Oh dear. She’d probably be better off in prison than out and about with Slutty looking for revenge.

Shazza looks terrible. I mean, awful. She mooches around the bar, clutching her wedding presents and sighing loudly about ODen. She accuses Denman of being happy that ODen is dead. Denman: “Ummm…yes? He was a bastard and I hated him, remember?” Shazza gets another Freudian cob on, and Denman is left wondering if he really should have just stuck with Teen and her Denspawn…