SIX FEET UNDEN
Everyone is moping around after Slutty/Drippy/Fool-gate last week. Fool makes Sad Calendar Faces and keeps trying to apologise to various Slaters but they tell him to sling his hook. Billy shouts at Drippy and says he wants nothing to do with her. He says that consorting with Fool has made her deceitful and devious and not like the angelic Drippy that he dumped so many months ago. Shut up, Billy. Meanwhile Ethel 2.0 has some kind of clandestine medical situation going on which she doesn’t want to burden Fool with. Possibly because it is very, very boring.

Naomi and Moomin are conducting a survey about local healthcare for their course work. Martin is resentful, especially when he has to cook his own tea. Shut up, Martin. They interview Agarry and he thinks he has scored with Naomi. Someone needs to introduce AGarry to the miracle of self-love.

Dolescum Keef walks Demi and Dasbo to school so they won’t be picked on by the mean boys, but when they get home they discover that someone has written JUNKY SLAGGG on their front garden wall. Mickney tries to clean it off but Demi comes home and sees it anyway. Rosie Klebb gives a boring speech about how she is proud of Demi and loves Leo now that he is dead and out of the way. My heart it is warmed. They start chatting about the long lost miller sister Dawn, who is now apparently Lost in France like Bonnie Tyler. Maybe she will be played by Bonnie Tyler too!! That would be awesome. For some reason, Gus, Mickney, Agarry and Minty all decide to go on a booze cruise to France – that’s handy what with Mickney suddenly remembering he has a sister in France. What are the chances, etc. Juley turns up too, wearing a snazz suit. I thought we were finished with him forever? The Muppet Brigade can’t get hold of a car, so they “borrow” Ian’s 4x4 which is in for a service at the Arches. Obviously it is going to be wrecked on the trip in some way... so predictable. I don't envy Sarah having to recap all their "haw he haw, ze french, zey eat se foreign food" type shenanigans next week.

This week is mainly about Babs running around and sticking her oar in everywhere. She spends a lot of time with Pat, bickering over cocktails from Pat’s minibar (which now has a pineapple shaped ice bucket – the EE staff are having a lot of fun dressing the sets for Pat’s house) and arguing about the past, the house, Fur-wank etc etc. Pat tells Babs off for not listening to anyone and for being hard on Billy, even though Billy tried his very best to help Sham and Fill. Babs makes her crazy frog type face and later apologises to Billy. Billy also tells her off for not believing that Sham is innocent and for being a rubbish mother. More crazy frog face. Babs appoints a new lawyer for Sham and then starts asking round about Bent Lawyer Marcus so she can track him down and measure him for a concrete overcoat. Tony Bennet says he can’t help her. LadyDen (who spends the whole week making a face like a sad moose) lies and says she doesn’t know anything about him. Babs venomously hisses that if LadyDen can lie about that, she can lie about anything, including MOIDER!! Babs goes to prison again to visit Sham and they have a long conversation, which I miss as I was on the phone. In the end Sham tells Babs the shocking truth about LadyDen.

A policeman who looks like Robin Asquith comes to tell LadyDen that the police have released O-Den’s rotting carcass and they can do what they want with it. Shazza takes charge of the "arrangements" and whenever she asks LadyDen if she wants to help, LadyDen says she is not bothered, and advises Shazza to look at her face, which is not bothered. Denman also does not want to help and spends the whole week running around looking tortured while Shazza sighs at him and makes sad faces. So many sad faces this week. Poline helps Shazza and makes lots of snide remarks about the rest of them being so useless. Her and Dot both try and browbeat Denman into helping/supporting Shazza, but he keeps sulking and flouncing off. They want to hold a wake in the Vic, but LadyDen makes the sad moose face and thinks it is inappropriate. They all browbeat her into it anyway. Lee is supportive, yet boring.

The funeral comes around and is kind of what you'd expect, with lots of people making sarcastic remarks about O-den being a bastard, only to discover that Shazza or LadyDen is standing right behind them. Doh. Apparently Vickney is “too upset” to come to the funeral. Too FIRED, more like. LadyDen wears a tight black top with white lacy trim that emphasises her rack, for a change. Pat appears to be dressed up as a lunar landing module. Denman does not show up at the funeral but Babs does, fresh from visiting Sham in jail and wearing an inappropriately festive red jacket. She starts yelling that LadyDen is a murderer and that Sham is innocent and gives LadyDen a big smack in the face, causing her to fall into the grave on top of O-Den’s coffin. Hahaha, classic. I love it when EE is really OTT and melodramatic. It would be even better if Den’s zombie withered claws burst through the coffin lid and grabbed her but we can’t have everything I suppose.

Back at the Vic, Lee is probing LadyDen (eww, not like that) about Bab’s comments and it looks like LadyDen is about to confess all, but then they are interrupted. Babs is downstairs, cruising for more catfight action, so LadyDen goes downstairs to have a Dramatic Confrontation. Babs repeats her accusations, so LadyDen says “Sham would say that, wouldn’t she. I know you’re just trying to do the best for your family so I’ll let you off, but I DIDN’T KILL O-DEN!!!”

Babs makes her swear that to Shazza’s face, which LadyDen does. Babs sits in a corner and mutters evilly to Billy – she decides that the Slaters are up to something and decides to target Jojo re their alibi for LadyDen. Meanwhile, Shazza lectures Denman for not being supportive for about an hour, in a really insipid mild voice that makes it feel as though my brains are leaking from my ears. Denman runs off again but, surprise surprise, he actually goes to stand by O-Den’s grave. He starts to cry and the camera mercifully pulls back to spare us the embarrassing sight of him trying to act.