FATHEADS FOR JUSTICE
People keep disappearing and popping up in the most unexpected places this week.

First MMartin pops up to rage impotently at Fill. Fill slams Martin against a wall or two until Martin tells him that Moomin used her Moominpowers to do a Squeaky and took Chloebecca with her. Fill has Squeaky flashbacks. MMartin says he just wants to bring his baybay girl home, where she will be safe. Dude look around you. You haven't even sorted the lightbulb in the living room, let alone replace the fruitbowl and put glass back in the windows . MMartin has an Arfur-style meltdown and throws things around.

I admit I went off to make cakes for a bit, so the next thing I saw was some kind of tension between Sophie Thompson and Young Ben and then Ben's up on the Nick Cotton Memorial bridge of DOOM with Mmartin. Martin threatens to throw Ben under the next train. If he's on the Hammersmith & City, he,ll be there for a while. A crowd gathers and it.s just like that scene in Oliver. Not. Martin apologises to Ben and tells him that it,s all Fill's fault for helping Moomin get her Dirty Jackson hands on his little girl. Fill appears on the other side of the line, and you wonder where are the transport police. Anyway Martin gets talked down. Babs and Beale give Fill a hard time. Sophie tells Ben that it was all his fault for wandering off and disobeying his new Mummy, but that Ben should thank her for calming down Scary Fill. Way to go Evil Stepmother Sophie!

Atkins is still hanging around, trying to work the vacuum cleaner and chatting up AGarry when she's supposed to be doing the shopping. Carly spies her in the pub and flies into an Electra-esque rage. There's a East End traditional mother/daughter beer fight (we have them every week, only with gin instead of beer) and Parklife has to break them up. Carly says she's leaving. Parklife then explains that Carly is very protective of her brothers, especially the one that died. Atkins decides to go, and then doesn't, and I'm just too bored to care.

Somehow Atkins manages to get a job in the Vic - perhaps Babs is working on the principle that if the barmaid looks rougher than the clientele, they might behave themselves. She also gets a flat and threatens to reveal Parklife's Dark Secret if he doesn't stop telling her to clear off. Parklife: shifty.

GADawn goes to the abortion clinic again. She'll be getting a loyalty card at this rate. Dr Shewolf dispatches Slimy to bring the bitch and her foetus back by any means necessary. This of course means that Slimy has to pretend that he really does love GADawn and wasn't just using her as a pressure-free shag, and that he is going to leave Dr She Wolf as soon as the baybay is born. GADawn calls off the d&c and goes home. Again. The receptionist nearly gnaws her other hand off in frustration.

Moomin decides to return to the Square and give herself up before Martin gets hold of a Batman costume and decides to dangle DC Lucy from the roof of the community centre. There is a tedious two-hander where she apologises for all the bad things that she has done to MMartin. Not once does she mention that he got her pregnant at 15 and then killed the LOVE OF HER LIFE; and nobody liked Poline anyway. Instead, she says she's innocent and she's going to use all her Moominpowers to prove it. She wants to go to the cop shop and turn herself in under her own steam, but MMartin sneakily calls the police so they drag her away in front of a howling mob got up specially for the occasion by Mo.

Pat's Goddess powers are in overdrive this week. First she calms down Parklife and stops him from killing Atkins with his bare hammy hands. Then she tells Dot that dobbing Moomin in to the coppers was the right thing to do. Dot finds Poline's old laundrette coat and takes it over to the burnt out shell of the Fowler house to lay Poline's restless ghost to rest or something. But then she hears a strange noise...and it's...[drums...music...credits...trailer for Waking The Dead]

In other news: Naomi has taken up residence in the plot cupboard. Dadley is openly shunning JoJo. err...that's it.