WHEN I'M SIXTY-ERR?

It's a milestone birthday for Peggy. Not sure which one. The EE producers don't divulge that, but if she's supposed to be 60, then I'm Liz Hurley. Fill, Cruestella (thank you GU) and Victim Ben decorate the pub with old Carry On Stills, pictures of Babs taking tea with the Krays, you know the kind of thing. Babs has a few non-comedy senior moments over the catering delivery, and Ian sneers. Babs also engages some bloke with an outrageous accent to makeover the living room so that it looks like something out of a Furniture Village ad. The ladies not classed as a) totty, b) mad, or c) pregnant (Yolande, Babs and PantoJane) go to a yoga class and the bouffanted teacher in a leotard tries to realign Babs's chakras without her permission. Babs is later sad about this because it's the best offer she gets all week after NotDavid Essex says he's not coming to her birthday party.

Phoney is pregant again, and worries about telling Billy. Billy runs foul of a debt collector who follows him around until he hands over the money, and worries about telling Phoney. Phoney gets a job as the receptionist in the Hair Patting salon to make more money. Her first task is to screw up GADawn's hair patting and colouring appointment. GADawn makes an unreasonable amount of fuss, and Duckface Preeti has to fit her in over lunch or something.

Slimy is installing GAD in a flat above the plot cupboard, and AGarry is allowed out to sniff around. He's got a thing for pregnant ladies, after all. GAD's little head is too full of colour charts and sofa catalogues to notice, and she skips off to get her hair done. Only Chelski switches the hair dye for a red felt-tip pen, and GAD ends up with rather cute Gothy streaks instead of honey highlights. GAD marches into the pub and starts having a go a the nice ladies, who finally admit that Dr SheWolf has persuaded them all to pretend to like her, but they all really think she's a wee hoor. GAD can't believe that her only friend in the world is Carly (incidentally, whatever happened to Genghis, the Dolescum Dog?), and stomps off home to cry. I can't help thinking that with all this womb rental, accommodation costs etc, they'd have been better off visiting an orphanage in a developing country, but what the hey...

Plenty of action in the Hair Patting salon, today. JoJo decides to upgrade her appearance (again), and gets Preeti to set her hair in some carmen rollers to make her look like a Charlie's Angel, but not in a good way. Really, you'd think that GADawn could take one look at JoJo's hair and get some money off Slimy to get a proper cut in town.

Dr SheWolf tells NurseTanyah of her surrogacy hell, but with all the controlling and pimping her husband bits removed. Nurse Tanyah looks slightly concerned that Dr SheWolf and her flexible interpretation of the Hippocratic Oath is in charge of her family's health. Meanwhile Dadley is shagging JoJo amid the ashes of Poline's fruitbowl or something. No wonder the Bealemeister can't sell it if he hasn't even bothered to paint over the smoke stains. Two letters, Ian: B and Q.

There's some stuff about moving to Spain. It's always Spain isn't it? Never Cheadle. Or Stockholm. Stockholm's nice. Very clean.

JoJo thinks that Dadley is selling her a line. NurseTanyah has been watching far too many property programmes, and is impatient to make a fresh start. Blimey, she's only been in Walford for five minutes. But the Tanyettes don't want to move because they've got friends. Really? Well, Lauren is kind of mates with Zombie Jay and DC Lucy - no wonder she's going all Goth. Abi is friends with umm... Ben.

Not if CruStella has anything to do with it. CruStella says that Abi is a Bad Person, and that if Ben so much as talks to her, it'll be Spoontime for Benjy at Bedtime again. CruStella does mad faces and learns how to beat Ben at Grand Theft Auto and tells Abi that she's not welcome at Ben's birthday party.

Phoney tells Billy that she's pregnant. Billy tells Phoney that they're broke. But they decide to have the baby anyway. But only after Billy has made lots of bad smell-type faces and overacted like a good 'un. He's too good for this crap.

GADawn turns up in a red dress to match her hair, and "looks amazing", according to the official spoilers. Dr SheWolf sends Slimy out to "keep GAD happy", and looks mad and smug at the same time. Slimy looks worried.

Everything's going well at the party. Babs is wearing something ghastly in white and Bacofoil that screams Peter Stringfellow In Drag; Pat is wearing Stealth Bomber earrings. BroJo uses his combat skillz to create one of those champagne towers that you used to see in 1970s semi-porn movies starring Joan Collins; and JoJo makes sour comments about Nurse Tanyah's Spanish plans, and tells her that Dadley will probably leave her anyway, so what's the point. Not really. But there is a fight between JoJo and NurseTanyah over who spilled whose Babycham, and Ian knocks over the champagne tower while nobody's looking. Dadley runs after JoJo, saying that says he's going to give the little minx a good seeing-to demand an apology. Then he tells JoJo that he's in love with her. Eh? I've seen more passionate declarations from a wet cushion. NurseTanyah encounters BroJo in the ladies again, and he tries it on. NT says no, and discovers Dadley coming out of the Slater Tardis with JoJo. JoJo apologises, but what for???