FATMAN AND DOBBIN
It's Christmas...oooh...hang on, has the Easties universe gone completely alternate and started doing two Christmases a year like US sitcoms? The cameraperson seems to have been at the script editor's gin cupboard, because he's lying on the front seat of a cab, filming Fill taking hundreds of suitcases out of the back through a dirty lens. Oh no, the cab clock is counting down to midnight - that'll cost a bit. The other cameraperson is lying on the pavement, off his face on the producer's secret dope stash, focused on the pretty colours in the Vic windows...shots...Fill screams silently as shots ring out and Shazza starts screaming. He looks down and, oh no! His hands are full of blood...and...

...he wakes up. It was all a dream. What's that all about then? Now, I'm prepared to see this as an ironic hommage to the late, great Dallas shower scene, but on the other hand it could just be a producer's coke-fuelled attempt to raise the tone. Grunt overhears Fill's long dark midnight of the soul and decides to take him off for a day of golf and 'sorting out business' in Essex. We see enough of young Courtney to work out that she's got great potential. More than drippy little Ben, anyway. Mind you, Ben is with the Devil Children, so there's still time.

On the way to somewhere in Essex, Grunt tells Fill that he's done therapy and is now a Zen master like Jaymee, able to help Fill through his days of darkness. Fill grunts and drives Grunt to Tony Bennett's place.

Chez Bennett, Tony spends his time dressed in a pink jumper in his steel-doored panic room fitted out with full-on CCTV, cupboard for his collection sawn-off shotguns and a Ukranian vodka lake. Davetta bakes scones in the enormous Mafiosi kitchen. Curly seems to hang around being creepy and mad. Grunt and Fill force Tony back into the panic room, and Fill begins round one. Grunt meets up with Davetta and activates his new Ultimate Force Zen powers to help Davetta understand her dad. It can't be easy, having to be Carmela and Meadow at once. Poor Davetta! Anyway, she tells Grunt about the improbably relationship with Juley, and Grunt discovers the pimping scandal, which is somehow counter to the Ultimate Force Zen Master code and goes "Grrrr!" but doesn't smash. There's taunting. And some fighting. Then more taunting, and a car chase in which Fill drives Tony's motor into a pile of skips and the boys end up tied up in an outhouse with only Tony's CCTV for company.

Then Lee turns up, acting on a hunch and looking for Curly. Curly is creepy and mad. Really creepy. Like, Peter Lorre creepy. Curly slips Davetta some sleeping pills and indulges in a bit of groping. Lee finds out that Curly killed Denman and filmed it like a demented happy slapper teen, and decides that Curly Must Be Stopped.

Meanwhile, Tony hands Curly his second-best sawn-off shotgun, and tells him to bury Grunt and Fill in the woods. Having killed them first of course. First Dallas, now Miller's Crossing. There's more chat. The Mitchells try a bit of psychology on Curly, but they're assuming that Curly has more than three braincells to rub together so that doesn't work. Curly points the sawn-off shotgun at Grunt's head...there's a bang, and Curly falls down deaded. Shot by his brother, who found a tiny little handgun with amazing range just lying around the place. Bye bye Curly. Maybe you'll find a decent job one day. Maybe there's room for a slightly crazy young medic on Casualty or something.

Davetta finds the happy stabbing vid on Tony's phone and has a showdown with her dad. Lee returns to the house just as Tony is driven off in the police car, on his way to confess everything, just as Davetta told him to. It's so's she can be proud of her dad, or something. What's she going to do? Put it on her CV? When Tony says he's going to confess to everything, the coppers sigh, put the kettle on, and phone out for pizza. It's going to be a long night.

Davetta frets about Curly, but Lee says that Curly has gone to a happy place where nobody can hurt him or steal his salsa nights any more. He drops her off at the Slaters and goes home to his empty house.

The Mitchells return home and Grunt asks Babs for her best pie for lunch. Ben passes and Fill tries out a sensitive wave but his hands keep bunching up into a fist. Poor Fill