THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS, EE STYLE
(Only they aren’t days and I didn’t really think this through. PS. I didn’t watch any of this so it is a dodgy crib from the website…)

1. Now that Ethel 2.0 has finally kicked off, Fool and Slutty decided to run away together to America. Come back soon, Slutty! Not you, Fool.
2. Through some kind of xmas miracle, Shazza’s womb grows back and she finds out that she is pregnant with a Denmanspawn.
3. Tony Bennett continues to go mental mental chicken oriental over Davetta/Dadfriend interracial lurve. He throws her out and she moves in with Juley. Juley tries to free himself of Fill’s incomprehensible mental thrall but without success.
4. Moomin and Martin still hate each other.
5. GADawn’s dad from the Bill shows up, provoking more tiresome “conflict” between GADawn, Dolescum Keef and Rosie Kleb. Dawn finds Dasbo’s stash o’ cash and wants a share so she can buy more ugly clothes.
6. It is Christmas. There are non comedy shenans re frozen turkeys etc
7. Everyone taunts Tony Bennett in the street (esp Denman and JoJo) until he is a frothing ball of craziness. In the end TB grabs Shazza roughly and tells her that her and Denman have until the end of the year to leave Walford or else they are dead, do you hear? DEAD!!!!
8. Shazza persuades Denman that they have to move to America straight away. Various people are sad etc. That creepy bastard Fill starts meddling as he doesn’t want to lose Shazza – the only woman in the world who does not look at him with loathing, fear and pity (apart from Babs, but best not to go down that route…). He tells Denman that TB roughed up Shazza.
9. It is new years eve and the clock is tick, tick, ticking down towards Denman’s Deadline of Death. (Wait a minute, they are going to get a cab to the airport on NYE – good luck paying for that without taking out a bank loan…) Denman beats the fuck out of TB and leaves him in a bloody heap on the floor of the club. Fill finds out and nicks the Magically Clear CCTV tape from TB’s space age system that is even better than the ones they have on 24.
10. Shazza and Denman are running towards each other across the Square in slo-mo with their arms outstretched (probably) when a passer bye knifes Denman to death. Doh.
11. Shazza is sad.
12. Buh bye Denman, How you entertained us all with your infrequent shirtlessness and mediocre acting.