YES SIR, THAT'S MY BAYBAY
My notes for this week have gone astray (probably still sitting on my iPaq somewhere in the Baron's lair), so it's a mixture of shoddy crib and fading memory this week.

You know it's bad week on EE when I start feeling ever so slightly sympathetic for GADawn. Well, now that everybody knows about GADawn and Slimy, it's scarlet letter time. Only GADawn doesn't have that much in the way of embroidery skillz, so she has to endure the pointy fingers of women who should know better. Babs and Mo point to Pat and tell her that GADawn will end up like her if she's not careful. So, let's look at those options for EE women in more detail shall we?

GAD --> Pat: own, mortgage-free house, own business, biggest collection of lairy earrings and giant leopard-print tops this side of Peckham. Houseful of vaguely-related Bennetton brats and Prison Bitch Bert buying you gin.

GAD --> Babs: battered woman, psychotic, spud-faced, prison-dodging offspring with severe committment problems. Assortment of ghastly grandchildren, one of which is a Beale Devil Child. Owns more wigs than Danny La Rue.

GAD --> Mo: living on sufferance in son-in-law's house with assorted grandchildren, friends of grandchildren, great-grandchildren posing as grandchildren. Deals in knock-off turkeys from Suffolk. Has slept with Prison Bitch Bert.

GAD --> Poline: ahhh...the life of a respectable East End matron. Spouse no. 1 dies in prison. Daughter knocked up by two (count 'em) pub landlords and living in Florida. Son dead - and hardly anybody noticed that he was alive anyway. Younger son knocks up a Dirty Jackson, kills Dirty Jackson's fiance, marries Dirty Jackson, divorces Dirty Jackson, gets back together with Dirty Jackson. Ends up dead in MacArfur Park, killed by Spouse no.2 because she never put out.

You decide!

Anyway, in the meantime, Dr SheWolf goes on her own charm offensive and gathers the youngish women on her side, starting off with Phoney. Yep. Phoney's out of the plot cupboard because it's time for the CUTEST BABY IN THE WORLD's jabs, and Dr SheWolf needs someone to go down the pub with. In the pub, Dr SheWolf tells GADawn to pack in her job because she doesn't want beer fumes affecting the Dawnlet's IQ or something. Dawn glowers at the nice ladies drinking wine in the corner while Babs tells her (again) that she's no better than she should be, and she's getting fat. Slimy arrives just as Dr SheWolf simpers something about adopting a baybay, and everybody applauds as she tries hard not to polish her halo in public.

GADawn has enough and announces her resignation to Babs. On Elf grounds.

Babs: Elf Grounds? Elf grounds? Strumpets don't have Elf grounds...

GAD: Well I do. ' Cos I'm pregnant.

pub gasps. I mean, who gets pregnant in this day and age?

GAD: (points to Slimy). With HIS BAYBAY!

Dr SheWolf looks busted.

Anyway, it doesn't help GADawn's standing in the community one bit. Nurse Tanyah shuns GAD's custom at the beauty shop, and Yolande gives her that cheek-sucking stare. GADawn gets Slimy to take her off to a hotel for the night, only Dr SheWolf sees them and realises the price she is really paying for motherhood, etc etc. Anyway, Friday's ep ends with her listening to them dry humping in the room next door, and Slimy promising to leave his ghastly, controlling wife etc etc.

Incidentally, has anybody else noticed how unconcerned Prison Bitch Bert seems to be at the death of Straight Pike? He's got troubles (ie, a plotline) of his own, anyway. Because somebody vaguely connected with him dumps his feral-faced hoody grandson on TriniDad and Yolande's doorstep. PB Bert tries to get rid of the brat, who has a great line in hollow-eyed stares and likes nothing better than to stare hollowly at the TV all day. Anyway, I suppose the plot line is all about how PB Bert learns about responsibility and that a life of petty crime and shagging Mo is a Bad Thing. Well, if it lands you with a friend like Straight Pike, you have to wonder. PB Bert also appears to be sniffing around Pat, much to Mo's displeasure. What happened there again?

Parklife's disappearance
Looks like Phil's done a runner - well you always could tell when he was just going through the motions. Carly does a lot of shouty "acting" and loses her job at the Arches. Ends up working on the stall. Atkins gets GADawn's job and is brassy. Deano: sad.

Fill and Sophie Thompson get back together again after Babs encourages him to stalk her. After all, he hasn't had a drippy co-dependent in his life for a while, and he's been getting a bit lonely. Ben starts collecting locks of Sophie's hair and bits of candle wax for the making of effigies.

Dasbo is wandering around with a big fat wallet full of cash, and lots of jiffy bags. I thought he might have secret camera in GADawn's bedroom, and has been selling Dawnporn, but @@ - who I suppose we should now call Libby, but I like @@ even though the key is in the wrong place on my laptop keyboard - finds out that he's been selling stuff on eBay and probably has a purple shooting feedback star by now. He appears to have got around the whole 'over 18' thing by using his dad's bank account. Hang on, Keef has a bank account?