THE PERILS OF POLINE
Another semi crib this week, I’m afraid as I was out a lot last week and am super busy this week. I’m sure I have missed loads out but that’s what the comments are for!

Anyway, BroJo calls off the wedding to Davetta in front of everyone but she still sucks up to him and begs him to keep lurving her. Both Jojo and Davetta take it in turns to march into the salon and slap Priitstick for letching over BroJo, in one scene Priitstick is wearing a huge and bizarre red ribbon in her hair like Toni Basil. Priiti says that actually BroJo started it.

Davetta suggests to BroJo that they both move to her big house in Essex so she can lock him naked in a room and stare at him 24 hrs a day through CCTV (possibly). Meanwhile Jojo, BroJo and Bradley worry about what to tell JoJo Ma re Bro Jo’s miraculous return from the dead, esp as JoJo Ma seems to be acting a bit down, even though she swears she is taking her meds. Annoying Brat Davetta keeps whining that she hasn’t been introduced to JoJo Ma as BroJo’s intended. Bradely tells her to keep out of it. JoJo goes to see her mum and is about to tell her about BroJo but can’t go through with it and confesses her abortion shame instead. They both hug and cry.

Smarmy Metrosexual says that he lurves GADawn but can’t leave his wife because they have started IVF or something. Dawn says that she's a gift wrapped kitty kat and only turns into a tiger when she’s under attack. Later on Dr Fox(y lady) says that she has been made permanent and that they can move into the flat above the surgery. (Eh? I thought only pubs came with built in accommodation…) Smar-Met is shocked and appalled that she might get wind of his philandering once she gets to know everyone.

Davetta decides to take matters into her own hands and takes some flowers round to JoJo Ma and is prattling on like “I’m sure BroJo has told you all about me! I used to be a likeable and sympathetic character but now I’m an annoying little madame!” JojoMa and then Davetta’s faces are a picture when they both realise the truth. I miss the shocking climax to this plot, but apparently BroJo goes around and has a fight with Jojo Ma and blames her for everything. Everything! I’m sure there was a lot of ACTING involved. For some reason Davetta decides to leave Walford FOREVAH and become a ballroom dancer in Essex. Byeee!

Sophie Thompson has been put off by Ian’s poisonous muttering and is avoiding Fill, She comes running back though at the first sight of his big potato head. Weirdo. Babs fusses around and interferes, as she always does when there is a chance of one of her spawn getting laid, but it appears that Ben does not like his new mummy.

Ian is in full on weasel mode, with lots of evil face hug action. He cancels the caterers and does other sneaky things while PantoJane skips around going “Wahey! I’m getting married” and tries out severe hairdos with Nurse Tanyah. He buys a pay as you go phone and texts Jane, saying that he is Guh-want wanting to meet up for a night of hot loving. Jane goes to the Park of Contemplation to meet him and Ian spies on her. (There are some funny yet incomprehensible scenes where little Bobby dresses up as a princess. Perhaps Str8 Pike has revived his Mr Benn activities). He does not keep his new decepta-phone long enough to hear Jane leave a message saying “It’s ovah Grant! I love Ian!”

Dole Scum Keef keeps forgetting to go shopping so his kids have to eat crackers for breakfast. Remind me again why he is still in it? There is some non comedy bobbins with Dasbo and Mickney buying dodgy DVD’s off a pretty Chinese girl in the street – kudos to EE for acknowledging a current trend but to be honest, most of the ones I see selling DVD’s don’t appear to be born in England and speak good English…

Oh wow, it all starts kicking off re Poline this week. First of all, Moomin and Martin keep having filthy moominsex assignations at Dot’s. There is a non comedy mix up at one point and Dot gets to see Martin’s throbbing member. Vom. Dot keeps telling them that they have to tell Poline, but Martin is too chicken. Poline is depressed (like, even more than usual) and keeps staring sadly at pictures of Grange Hill era Todd Carthy. Str8 Pike is totally unable to cheer her up. At one point, Dot, Str8 Pike, Martin and Moomin are all discussing her, not realising that Poline is sat on the stairs listening in. Moomin is going on about how Poline is such a vindictive old witch and only Dot defends her. Poline gets more and more stony faced as they prattle on and then runs upstairs to hide. Once they have gone she cadges one of Dot’s fags and puts it down carelessly and then goes upstairs to pack a bag. The fag falls onto a doily or something and catches fire. Ruh roh. Poline doesn’t know what is going on until smoke starts pouring into the room. By this time Martin and people outside have seen it and Martin runs into the Fiery Inferno and starts calling for her. Poline sits in silence upstairs and waits for DEATH!!!!!! OMG, for the first time in years I am dying to know what happens next!