(NOT) KNOCKED-UP DOC?
I don't see the final unravelling of Poline's WEB OF LIES, but I do see the build up.

Everybody's sad about Poline's brain tumour (except Moomin, but she hides it well).Straight Pike calls the hospital to find out when Poline can go in for her brain scan. Poline tries to tell him that her oncologist perished in a bizarre gardening accident and she fried the MRI machine with a laser blast meant for Moomin. Mmartin mooches Oedipally. Straight Pike tries Doctor Foxy but Dr is too busy injecting herself with baby-making drugs to care.

Anyway, Straight Pike finds out the way the plot is going and outs Poline as a liar. Everyone moves in with Moomin. Chloebecca thinks that the house smells of wee and wants to go back to Poline's, where the air is ripe with bracing odour of brimstone and charred banana.

Meanwhile, Ben doesn't like Sophie Thompson and pretends to lose his glasses/smashes his hearing aid/leave horses' heads on Sophie's sofa. Fill: uncomprehending.

@@ tries to get to the bottom of the Mystery of the Positive Pregnancy Test, but Parklife finds out and starts throwing accusations at any menstruating female within 100 yards. Eventually Mrs G buys two more pregnancy tests, and hands them to Chelski and Carly. Chelski and Carly show negative,and the whole family looks suspiciously at @@. Not really. Everybody goes: “Hmmmm…whoever could it be? Oh, haven’t we got to return GADawn’s coat?”

I can't quite understand why a doctor and a city trader type have to sell their Barretts starter home and live in a one-bed flat so that they can afford IVF, but there you go. Slimy gets hacky looks from assorted Dolescums. GADawn glares and momentarily deludes herself that Slimy is just waiting for the right time to dump Dr Foxy and move in with her. Slimy says that no, he wants to make posh test tube babies with Dr Foxy, not rough working class organic babies with GADawn, and offers her some abortion money. GADawn throws him out, then goes to Dr Foxy to arrange the abortion. Either that shows hitherto unknown levels of irony on GADawn's part or she really is that stupid. Oh, my mistake: it’s a flimsy plot device….

Slimy sees GAD stomping out of the surgery and rushes in to tell Dr Foxy that no, he is definitely not the father of GAD’s baby, but Dr Foxy says: “Umm…hang on a minute…married man…barren wife…pack your things and go, Bastard Face”. The following morning, she stops GAD in the street and smacks her one. Way to go with that Hippocratic oath, Doc. Later, Slimy tries to tell Dr Foxy that it was all over with GAD months ago, and he probably isn’t the father anyway. GAD tells Dr to check the dates and work it out for herself, after all, as GAD says: “You’re supposed to be the brainy one”. Go Go GADawn! Slimy left gaping in the street as wife and ex-girlf storm off in opposite directions.

Oh alright then…there’s another fight at Dot’s this time, and Chloebecca has to summon all her Moominpowers to make them stop shouting at each other. This involves shouting: “Stop shouting!” into the living room. Poline is affronted by a six-year-old child having a voice – after all Mmartin didn’t get his own lines until he was at least 13 and it didn’t do him any harm. She scuttles back to her lair to stick pins into Moomindolls, and Mmartin and Moomin decide to reveal the identity of Chloebecca’s real parents in the form of a fairy story. It would have been so much better as a light-sabre duel over the car pit in the arches, wouldn’t it.

Next door, Bradley is getting into trouble with Stacey over his faaancy City ways. Apparently he’s been given the task of organizing the firm’s Christmas party with the help of two posh PR fluffy types. Male PR fluffy bosses Bradley around and teases him about eating whelks for breakfast and being common; while Female PR fluffy wears very short skirts and gives him advice about how not to be common. Stacey is busy looking for a flat, which they are going to pay for with Bradley’s huge City bonus, apparently. Female PR fluffy pouts and invites Bradley out for sushi and more advice on not being common. Bradley blushes and goes out with the fluffy rather than look at a flat. Stacey: cross. Male PR fluffy teases Bradley about being 18 and not driving a car yet. Bradley says: “Umm…no actually, I’ve got a car. It’s green…and it’s…sporty with a...umm soft top…”. Then he goes out and buys an green soft-top sports car of some description (looks like a Peugeot from here) instead of spending it on a deposit. Stacey: crosser.

In other news. AGarry and Minty try to get Naomi to find them a flat. She doesn't, but does get a part time job at the surgery. Without an interview or checks or anything...wow. Fill makes them do something unspecified to the pub fireplace that was prompted by Sophie Thompson going on about chestnuts roasting on an open fire or something.

Other news 2: Ex Prison-now-Pat’s Bitch Bert doesn’t want to go to his wife’s funeral, then he doesn’t, then he does. He encounters a merry band of hooded urchins terrorizing the crematorium and is torn between horror and pride when he discovers that the Lead Hoodie is his grandson. What are the chances...etc.