SLATER VS SLATER

Ok, so maybe it was a bit ambitious to say that we would update every Monday - let's just say that we'll do it as early in the week as we can...

Anyhoo, it is all go with the tedious Slater/Moon/Mitchell love parallelogram. Drippy and Fool have an empassioned conversation, while Drippy and Billy have a different empassioned conversation.

Fool: I have moved on and don't love you any more. OK, maybe a bit but not really. Is it time for me to make the Sad Face now?
Slutty: I've changed, I did it all for us, let's try again!

Billy: I hate you and want a divorce. OK, no I don't. Freddy is cool.
Drippy: Sweet. Don't tell Slutty about Fool. I only snogged him once. Thanks!

I'm sure they act the hell out of it but I was out carousing in the fine bank holiday weather so whatever. The snoresome foursome continue to circle awkwardly round each other, whilst making tragic faces. Drippy tells Fool it is ovah! but he won't accept it. Billy is supportive. Drippy and Slutty are awkward with each other. etc etc. They have a welcome home party where Slutty cruelly prevents Drippy form wearing a red tight chinese style dress and makes her wear a shapeless grey one instead - I guess she didn't have any burlap sacks handy. It still isn't enough to entice Fool but Drippy says that Fool has to try with Slutty anyway.

Meanwhile it is also problems-a-rama with Slutty and Teen. Teen feels that Slutty abandoned her and acts all sullen and avoid-y. Slutty makes her sit down in the Vic and have a proper chat. Teen says that she had to have a miscarraige alone as Denman had dumped her for that bitch Shazza. LadyDen thinks they are going to talk about the moider and keeps running over and interrupting. In the end, Teen and Slutty make up and Teen gives Slutty 50% of the stall.

Demi continues to have tortured teen romance with Busted. She gives a nice christening photo to Poline but that only spurs her on to carry on visiting Adoptogran and Moominchild.

ETina and Tony Bennet spend a day together and ETina reveals that she can cook and is also numerate. Pat will be out of a job now there is another woman on th esquare who knows her times tables. Tony B is so impressed that he asks her to move in. ETina agrees as long as she can wreak make-over hell on the house.

Dot continues having driving lessons with Pixie Mervyn. Jim feels jealous and threatened, especially when Dot and PM tag team him about buying a new sofa. Tony Bennett overhears Jim moaniNG about the cost of sofas and offers to buy their cahncil hahse as an investment and let them live there rent free. Jim is tempted yet agonised and won't discuss it with Dot. ETina finds out and is worried that TB is going to do something evil (ie make the lovable old timers homeless or something).

Sham gets back from wherever she has been - she says she was visiting Fill but if that's the case there must be a solarium in the visiting room of HMP Lakeland Plastics because she is hella orange. She finds out that the flat wa sbroken into and that - gasp the Doorstop of Doom is missing! LadyDen toys with her like apuppet - sending her to Polines on an errand so she will see the Doorstop etc and eventually they have a Dramatic Confrontation. Sham ,rather pathetically, says she didn't intend to use the Doorstop to blackmail LadyDen but that a big boy told her to do it or something. They argue an dsham says she can grass LadyDen up anytime she wants. LadyDen calls her bluff and passes her the phone but Sham can't go through with it so LadyDen sacks her. When Billy finds out he shouts at LadyDen and makes her be nice ot Sham so LadyDen, pathetically, is nice to Sham again. Oh who cares, Denman and Shazza are on the front of TV Quick! They're coming back soon and they're looking for O-Den!!!!!!!