REDEMPTION OR DEATH
Damn this summer madness. I was too busy enjoying myself to see Friday's EE so here's a partial shoddy update.

Tony Bennett keeps making Jim an offer he can't refuse- though it sounds well dodgy to Dot. TB lends them the money to buy Casa Brannigan, they live in it rent-free until they both pop their clogs in a tragic, yet romantic double suicide involving a mug of Horlicks laced with arsenic and Viagra, and TB gets the house. Not even a whisper of a possible future battle between Nasty Nick Cotton and Moomin? Tsk! Etina and Dot save the day for Nick fans by invoking the spirit of Ethel 1.0, TB decides to let the lovable oldsters be because he doesn’t want little old ladies to remember him as a dodgy geezer who was an ugly baby or something like that.

The Force is strong in Dot this week. Tony Bennett not only decides that he doesn’t want to be a bad boy any more, but celebrates by buying Dot and Jim a new sofa, and sacking Lee and Curly for making dodgy deals behind his back. Not long before Byrite comes back from the grave to shake his hoary locks at Tony then.

Poline is in MechaGranzilla mode, so Adoptogran calls upon the mighty forces of Walford Social Services, who say that Poline must bid farewell to Moominchild forevah. The Moomins agree and Poline gathers together a few photos of Arfur and one of Lou's more tasteful bits of jewellery for Moominchild to ponder when she asks why she has these strange urges to bed men twice her age and play the trumpet very badly. MMartin punches Ian for colluding with Poline. Go Martin!

Moomin can't resist another look at Moominchild, so she follows Poline to the Park of Contrivance and hides unconvincingly behind a telegraph pole while Poline apologises to Adoptogran. Adoptogran starts having second thoughts but Poline says that Mchild will only end up like Vickney so it's probably best not to see her again. Moomin hugs Poline and they wave goodbye to Moominchild. The next time we see her she'll be Moominteen, and most likely "troubled". Maybe even a Juhneen 2.0…

On to the Tepid Triangle of Tedium. Slutty and Fool are all bright and shouty in the market, and everyone tells Drippy that Slutty and Fool were made for each other - ie they belong together in the circle of Hell reserved for dim shouty berks and early evictees from Big Brother. Drippy:sad. Fool protests that he and Slutty will never shag again - not even after 50 vodkas and a lager top. Drippy: happy. Rest of cast: chinny reckon.

A greasy man leaves a vanful of karaoke equipment at the Arches so lovable scamps Minty and Agarry borrow it to stage a karaoke evening, where Fool ends up behind the bar with Slutty and Drippy. Fool is sad and confused but not quite crying. Minty and AGarry fail dismally to pull yet again - they should have done "No Woman No Cry" - and Mr Greasy pops up to reclaim his stolen stuff. Slutty leads the pub in a singalong so that Ethel 2.0 can serenade her William with Fool - look, it's too tedious to explain, but the mob goes: "Ahhh! Aren't they sweet?" again and Drippy slinks away. Maybe she has realised that Billy wasn't so bad after all.

The Doggy Doorstep of Doom moves to the launderette, where Teen sees it propping open a door. LadyDen tries to make out that Poline has just put Betty the dog in the freezer, but eventually admits that it is indeed the murder weapon but that she cleaned it before handing it back to Poline. This prompts a full-on Psycho Teen moment, and everybody thinks it’s because she still hasn’t got over the not-miscarriage. Slutty pats Teen's head and recites a speech about being a better mother and saying goodbye to the Slutty past or something like that. Teen nearly tells all, but doesn’t. She’s off to her glittering future as a Liv Tyler looky-likey next week anyway…