Eastenders has been moved to Wednesday to accommodate Germany v Holland, by the way.

POLINE VS DOT: ULTIMATE SMACKDOWN
Walford is apparently in some sort of weird media blackspot where they can only get 2 TV channels - tonight everyone is either watching "the football" (though not in the Vic as it is the only pub in the world that doesn't have a big telly in it) or some b/w film about lions. At the Fowlers, Moomin impresses Pike with her Poline-wrangling technique and then goes to Jim'n'Dots to borrow some teabags. Jim and Moomin miss each other. Also she learns that Dot is still in a huff because she moved in with Poline. Moomin makes Poline go round to smooth things over but they just end up having an argument and accusing each other of being satanists or something. Dot says that Poline is a controlling bossyboots and Poline says that Dot is a sore loser. Miaow! Saucer of milk for the ladies in the dingy fake kitchen!

Scalliq tells the others about the Scall-cab concept. They makes faces like "it's so crazy it might just work!". Kareena, Kellay and Backstreet wait around to be interviewed. Kellay appears to have forgotten to put a skirt on. Kareena is wearing a boring suit but then goes home and changes into a risque off the shoulder number. The interviewer comes to see them and interviews in the Vic - that's insane! didn't they have a spare office set anywhere? Also he looks like that TV chef who makes pies out of dead badgers he has scraped up off the side of the M11 slipway (Hugh Thingerly-Whiterrington?) Anyway - the girls are offered jobs and Backstreet isn't. Because he is lame.

LadyDen has to "stock take" and so Den rushes off with Mystery Lady. LadyDen catches him out in a lie again later and makes more hacky faces. Time to move this plot along, methinks.

Slutty and Fool - just the same. Ethel 2.0 overhears Slutty suggesting they seek Counselling (aka "cancelling") and says that she reads a copy of Take A Break magazine when she is down. Thanks for that, Ethel 2.0. Fool goes off to "get some change" and ends up sitting in the caff making sad faces. Are they shooting the 2005 "shane ritchie looking sad and adorable" calendar already? Billy is also in there (I am always surprised to see him and think "Is Billy still in this" when he comes on). They discuss how sad and lonely their lives are. Billy talks about Drippy and how he wishes he had made more of an effort to accept the baybay etc etc and would therefore have better storylines. Fool talks about how couples can get over really bad things and goes home to Slutty and asks to see her upstairs. Slutty's little face lights up (dimly from beneath the many strata of make up) and she rushes up and puts on a brown viscose nighty to celebrate. She is lounging "seductively" on the bed when Fool comes up, starts to open the door and then chickens out and goes to sleep on the couch. Slutty starts to cry and Fool listens to her while a single, perfectly formed tear rolls down one cheek.

Hmm, that was quite well written but it was also quite dull. Bring on the Roller Coaster of Death! Sooner! Sooner!

KARMA KARMA KARMA KARMA OH NO IT'S ROBBIE
Yes, indeed it is. There, my friends, is Robbie Jackson, dressed for Glastonbury and fast asleep in the cafe. Apparently it's the done thing for hippies to have peroxide highlights in India. A short expository conversation with Kareena reveals that Robbie should go straight back to whatever he was doing on that ITV "run your own topless bar" reality show.

I have to confess, my VCR picked up an interference problem with the TV and started taping the Test Match just after Mr & Mrs Moomin 'fessed up that they were already married. So I've had to revert to the BBC site to fill in the gaps.

Mr & Mrs Moomin return to the Square to find everybody scuttling about with wedding cakes, flowers, bottles of champagne and you expect MMartin to burst into I'm Gettin' Married In The Mornin' and do a cockney braces dance with some passing urchins. But they don't. they 'fess to the family, and Chris Cairns starts his run up.

Poline stops off to sulk in McArfur Park. Dot worries about what to tell the vicar, but they sort it out eventually, but only after MMartin gets to tell Poline that she's a dreadful mother who drives all her children away. Poline has a face like a smacked kipper all day, and keeps stomping out to sulk on Loser's Bench when it all gets too much.

I missed the return of Billy Jackson?!? Does he still have all that mad hair?

Ferreiraz move into their two-bed flat. DJ Ross and Scalliq have to share the couch. Haven't we had enough crypto incest, for crying out loud? Scalliq decides to set up a new PatCabs, only calling it ScalliqCabs or something.

Kellay announces that she's tired of Walford, and she's going to become a club rep in Ibeefa. Well, she had been going out with Backstreet for oooh...at least two weeks. That's practically married by Kellay standards.

Denman menaces Juley into giving Vickney's lost gambling money back. Yeah, like she'll learn that way, mate.

Fool/Kat. They don't know what to do. Fool's on the sofa. Kat's got so much make-up on, she could peel it off and make a little Kat mask.

Moomin follows Poline out to the bench and promises to love, honour and obey her as well as MMartin. Nooo! Poline is satisfied with this, and returns to the pub, where she announces that Moomin and MMartin will be living with her from now on. Moomin looks like she could be on that plane back to Mumbai with Robbie.

MOOMIN VERSUS OEDIPUS
It is the day that Moomin and Martin are supposed to be going back to the square. When Jim goes to check up on them he can hear them yelling at each other. Martin accuses Moomin of bossing him around and Moomin shouts that Martin is obsessed with his ubertanned, muppet-behaired mother. Martin says that Moomin is bad for bossing him around and is just like Poline. Ruh. Roh. There is no way back from that one. Moomin is understandedly pissed off at being compared to Martin's evil hag mum.

QVC Lady (Diamonique? Zirconia? What shall we call her?) is still selling her shiny trinkets on the square. Teen says it is tacky. Zirconia says that Teen's market stall is tacky and rolls her eyes to prove that she has moxie.

Scalliq goes off to sell the Ferriera Mystery Machine Van. Kareena phones around for jobs and is offered The Job At the Caff For Character With Speaking Role that Pat and Simpleton used to hold. Adull rents a two bedroom flat for the entire family. Good move, fuckwit. Later on it turns out that Scalliq swapped the van for two shit cars (Kareena gets a good line when she says "Did you get some magic beans too?"). Scalliq says that they are going into the used car business or something. All the other Ferrieras walk off and abandon him.

Mo and Mickney - when they're cleaning winders they are more annoying than usual. Mo has the cunning plan of spreading lots of bird seed round the square so that pigeons come and shit on windows, thus giving them more work. Whatever.

Moomin is still pissed off at the Poline comparison so Martin plays the "all my relatives are dead or have fucked off" card to win forgiveness and cries into Moomin's cleavage. Moomin forgives him and they decide to get married right then.

MY Gus and Julie successfully pool hustle A-Garry and Vickney. How challenging. Julie is wearing a hat that could be described as "wack".

Slutty arranges with the other pub staff so that Fool and her can have the afternoon off together. She sits pensively in her bedroom and starts to put on more make up. No Slutty! Less make-up! Any more make-up will cause a rift in the space time continuum! Noooo! When Fool comes up Slutty is in full-on clown face mode. She gives him wine and starts macking on him but he pushes her away. Have they always had a stuffed stoat in their living room? I only just noticed it. Fool says "You think sex solves everything" and walks away. Slutty begins to cry. Aww, poor Slutty - you should have let Andy break his kneecaps off. Fool comes back in a bit and Slutty says she can't stand their wierd non-relationship. Fool says he will sleep on the couch from now on. Fuck you, Fool. I pity the Fool who is mean to Slutty.

Dot and Poline are still in uber-wedding planning mode. Slutty suggests they take some time out to look after themselves so they wipe guacamole over their faces and put cucumbers on their eyes and reminisce about the old days. The comedy vicar pops round and manages to stop himself from licking the delicious salad off their faces. They all giggle etc. I do not.

Jim finds Moomin freaking out because she can't find her mascara or whatever. Yes Moomin, that's why you are supposed have bridesmaids and maids of honour etc. Jim does some vulcan deathgrip thing to calm her down and Moomin starts wittering on about how she is the Bride of Dead Jaymee. Um, okay, you mentalist. They have the wedding. Moomin's dress is quite plain but v. sculptural as though it is made of cardboard or something. I can't decide if I like it or not. The editors go kraxy with their mad avid-editing-suite skillz and cut between the wedding and between Fool/Slutty's marriage falling apart. Also they cut to PolDot toasting sherry together - that's a bit disturbing. Maybe Poline and Dot are going to get married too!

SHIP OF FOOLS
It's the morning of MMartin and Moomin's phoney wedding. We have to endure more pervy MMartin talk and soppiness before Jim appears at the door. Moomin is cross and stamps her Moomin foot and refuses to listen to Jim's tales of Dolzilla woe. Apparently she's waited so long for this day, that she doesn't want to spoil it now. How long is "long"? Some of us had to wait a whole year, missy, and were glad of it.

Speaking of woe, Slutty tries to mend her slutty ways and turn into the Housewife From Hell to please Fool. Teen points out that he married her for her Sluttiness, not for her ironing skills, and that she should sort him out the way only Slutty can, failing to realise that Slutty's unique talents are what got her into this mess in the first place. Slutty ruins one of Fool's less dreadful shirts - a stripey brown number - in her cleaning frenzy. Fool acts like he couldn't care less. Slutty: sad.

Jim decides to strike at the weaker partner, and gets MMartin on his own. There's a kind-of parallel scene where Poline whinges about not being able to give her own son a good wedding to show him how much she loves him. She couldn't be bothered with the other two, obviously. MMartin looks tormented. Jim then moves on to Moomin, and tells her that he wants to make amends for his racist past, when he refused to give Carol away at her wedding to Alan (blimey, how long ago was that?),and give Moomin a good send-off. Result! Oh no, Moomin asks him to come to Southend register office. When she gets back to the room, however, MMartin says they have to go home because otherwise Dolzilla will make them pay. Moomin: slightly peeved and muttering about marrying MMartin not his mother. Mr P snorted at this point and mumbled something about marrying me, my parents and 8.5% of the population of South Africa.

Teen and Kellay are annoyed at a woman in a pink suit who seems to be replicating an entire QVC segment outside Poline's back gate. Maybe she's a Poxditch performance artist making a commentary on callow modern consumerism. Oh no, she really is flogging diamonique brooches. Classy.

The Ferreiraz decide to let go of the stall and get proper jobs. Yes, let's see the inside of Walford JobCentre for once. Adull realises that he should have stayed in school...no...sorry, I'm losing the will to live.

Perhaps the non-comedy sub-plot can revive us. Oh, maybe not. Mo (her face set in a "My brother's in Harry Potter you know" expression) and Mickney are setting up as naked window cleaners or something. Anyway, Mickney's scared of ladders and gets all upset when Mo leaves him clutching onto the top rung while she runs off to speak to QVC Woman. Touching The Void it ain't.

RUNAWAY SPIDE
By Mark
Not much going on in this one. Moomin and Martin are esconced in their faaancy Southend (Sodom of the etc) hotel – Martin says creepy things like "you shouldn’t have had a shower, I’m going to make you dirty again" (shudder). They can’t make up their minds whether they are glad to be free of Poldot interference or are happy that they are on their own. In the end they decide that they are happy happy happy. Also the chamber maid delivers their room service to them. What kind of crazy hotel is that?

Poline and Dot are not happy. They blame each other for driving the kids away and go into "Cagney and Lacey" mode to track them down. They interrogate Gus, Vickney (who is wearing ugly yellow plastic jewellery) and then track down Backstreet (who tries to avoid them by kneeling down behind the bar – who said he was thick? Eh? Oh…). They grill him mercilessly and start going on about how they will make Martin/Moomin suffer for messing them around. Backstreet won’t tell them but Jim reckons he knows and uses wiles etc to trick Backstreet (not very difficult, admittedly) into revealing that he they are in Southend.

Slutty’s loins are still untroubled by Fool’s attention. Now he won’t even hug her. Slutty is sad.

Kellay is getting sick of Teen skiving off to shag Denman all the time.

Mo is still putting moves on Adull. If he is Omar Sharif does that make her Julie Christie or Peter o Toole? The Ferrieras are all pleased that they can rebuy their old house but then see that Ian has put in an offer for it. Then their market stall stock is repossessed because they are behind on their payments. Ha ha ha!

There is a poster up for the Funfair/Carnival of Doom. Some bloke (market inspector?) moans that he can’t get people to do some odd jobs or something so Mo looks "thoughtful" (as usual, due to her subtle acting style these emotions could be spotted from space) and goes to recruit Mickney to help.

Pat turns into Mrs Alving (from literature) and says that all she can see are ghosts - and not in a fun Scooby Doo way either. O-Den somehow arranges for Wicksy to call her and offer for her to come to New Zealand and visit him and Devil Child Stephen (does that mean that the satanic spawn is soon returning, presumably with an Adam Ricketts style different head?). They pay for the tickets and everything. Neat!

Jim is about to tell PolDot about the elopement but they are still moaning and being annoying so he decides to leave them to it and go by himself

DOTHRA VS POLZILLA: THE REHEARSAL
Slutty's worried that Fool doesn't find her attractive any more. Must be the way he winces and scrubs himself with a brillo pad every time she touches him. Fool still has his kicked labrador expression on, and encourages her to go on a lairy night out with Kellay and Teen (whose outfits get more ho-tastic every day). This is supposed to be their way of cheering up Ethel 2.0. Ethel is more interested in dozing on the sofa (is that where she lives?) and fingering Husband 1.0's medals. Kellay and Teen witter on about eternal love, men etc, and Slutty looks sadly at Fool.

Hostilities between Dothra and Polzilla begin chez Fowler, where Gay Pike has arranged a array of posh nibbles for a tasting session. Dot hates everything foreign and insists that they'll do perfectly well on Mothers Pride and Tesco ham sandwiches, and a nice cup of tea. Polzilla reveals that she has booked a big wedding cake, and Dothra is sad because apparently she was going to stick a couple of battenburgs on a malted loaf as a surprise offering. Moomin and MMartin look beleagured, and everybody goes off to the church for the wedding rehearsal. Except Gay Pike, who has to deal with an "incident" at the community centre.

Oh yes, the Ferreiraz are dotted around the square in various neighbours' houses. Adull is in the Slater tardis, where Mo is revealing an unhealthy fascination with Omar Sharif and keeps winking at him. Adull wants to buy the house back. Uh...yeah...sorry I'm bored again.

MY Gus might have to change his name to Fast Eddie MY Gus. He turns out to be a demon pool playa, and Scalliq says he should be a hustler. Just get a bloody job, Juley.

Pat bumps into ODen, who seems to spend his days hanging around market stalls doing nothing in particular - or maybe he's waiting for the Mystery Laydee. Pat tells ODen about Tink's mini-heist. ODen says that nobody would be so sad, stupid and lonely to fall for that one would they? Then Pat looks like she might land him one and he gives her a grand from the club funds - why doesn't he just employ her as the official club book-cooker? She did it for the Ferreiraz.

Moomin's wedding blues continue at the church. First Polzilla has had the order of service sheets printed on posh paper, and she's insisting on reciting some dreadful poem she found in a Hallmark card. Dothra starts yammering on about a church being no place for semi-literate doggerel unless it mentions God a lot, which Polzilla's poem doesn't which makes it evil. Polzilla gets upset and Moomin and MMartin walk out. MMartin seems to have absorbed some Moomin powers, and uses them to calm Moomin down long enough to suggest that they elope. Moomin's looking very pretty these days.

THE WEAKEST TINK
My damn VCR cuts off the beginning but it looks like Tink is trying some crazy ass Jedi mind tricks on Fool. "These aren't the WW2 medals you're looking for... I'll be off then" etc. Fool rubs his forehead and makes pained noises but then manages to cast off the evil psionic spell and stops Tink running away. He grabs back the medals and makes Tink admit that he is a conman. They argue back and forth and Tink says he is some kind of man-whore who gives ladies just what they want - for a price! Fool says that Tink has to come and dump Ethel 2.0 to her face. It has been sending me mad trying to think who Tink reminds me of and it finally hits me - he looks just like the Siamese dog off Rupert the Bear!

The fucking Ferreira Kidz are all standing in a row in their gloomy boarded up house as though they are appearing in an avant garde stage production or something. They moan about losing the house and then decide that they are just trying to keep hold of it to please their deadbeat absent parents. Not to like, have somewhere to live or anything. Jeeesus. The German Lesbian looking bailiff is just about to sledgehammer open the door when they open up voluntarily - unfortunately the GLL bailiff manages to stop the hammer from smashing their heads open as they stand in the doorway like muppets. Ash tries some moral high ground o-rama on the bailiff but he says "Dude, I'm not the one who fucked up the mortgage payments." I am ashamed to say I said "That's right, ASH!" out loud! Such a loser. The Ferrieras sit on the kerb and discuss their options but then all the neighbours rally round to help.

Everyone gathers in the Vic for the wedding. Pat is wearing a giant rectangular blue dress that makes her look a cubist painting. Kellay is wearing a ho-riffic midriff bearing jacket. Maybe that would be appropriate at Xtina Aguilera's wedding but not for Ethel 2.0! Poline and Dot talk about weddings. Yawn. NC subplot - Mickney and Mo sell coloured rice but then have to refund everyone when the wedding is (spoiler) called off.

Moomin and Martin go to the Park of Plot Revelations and talk about the wedding - they consider eloping, in a jokey way. Moomin's hair is looking quite nice these days. They talk about baybay Chloe and Moomin comforts Martin with some words of Moomin Wisdom.

Lady Den stalks O-Den but it turns out he is just going to meet Ian about something. Maybe O-Den has fallen for the Bealemeister's manly charms. That would be a surprise.

Ethel 2.0 is fussing that the wedding is running late. Tink and Fool show up and they go upstairs to talk. Fool mentions that the medals were stolen and Ethel just thinks he took them to help pay for the honeymoon and doesn't mind. Fool makes Tink admit that he is a cheating scumbag who was lying and pretending to be the man of Ethel's dreams. Ethel's little heart breaks into a million pieces and she asks him to stay anyway and turn over a new life. He says no and fucks off. Buh bye Tink. Ethel cries alone - nice acting from her but still this plot was lame lame lame.

When Backstreet finds out he runs downstairs and pops all the balloons in a totally gay manner. Grrr, kill those scary balloons, Backstreet! Pat asks what is up and Backstreet says "Tink was a dirty rotten conman and he has done a bunk!" Pat says "He's got my money!" - for the benefit of any new viewers.

AS ANY FULE KNO
They're wedding kerayzee in the EE offices at the moment. Ethel's trying to get ready in the living room at the Vic while assorted LadyDens, Beales, Moons and Kellay flutter around them. Ethel reveals her true control freak colours with a precisely ordered list of tasks, which she hands Fool. Everybody smiles at this as evidence of dearlittleoldlady eccentricity, the fools.

Ian's trying to change a nappy while putting silverskin onions on cocktail sticks but the Midwich Twins are carrying on like a pair of tweenie hellhounds. LadyDen tells him to sort his life out and find a babysitter or else. Ethel 2.0 brings out a cheap gilt brooch of Destiny that Husband 1.0 gave her, and witters on some more about betraying Husband 1.0 even though her first marriage seems to have been little more than two dances and a knee trembler round the back of the Hammersmith Palais. Slutty gives Fool a significant look and talks about forgiveness and love in a very slow voice. Fool looks at his feet and mumbles.

Tink's loitering around at the B&B, gazing at the Wedding Ring of Destiny like a superannuated hobbit. Yolande witters on about love etc, and Tink looks ever so slightly guilty. Then he disappears with a suitcase full of Pat's cash back off to Lovejoy's barn in Essex, I presume. Fool realises his bar snacking habit has to stop when can't run 200 yards through the market to catch up with an elderly man. He finally catches up with Tink at the station, and sees that Tink has only bought one travelcard. Why, what can this be? says Fool? Tink: "You've got me bang to rights, guvnor. The medics are only giving me three weeks to live. I've got to run far, far away..."

Meanwhile there is confusion in the Square. Scalliq's number-changing stunt has stumped a pack of comedy bailiffs and Ian's babysitter. The chief comedy bailiff is that bloke who did a lot of work on Goodness Gracious Me. Maybe they'll all get together in the house and reprise the "Going out for an English" sketch. The Ferreiraz have barricaded themselves in the house, and are preparing Adull for a human sacrifice to the building society or something. Pat hands over some beautifully cooked books, and off Adull goes to fleece the building society manager. DJ Ross and Kareena mutter that the squatting plan is dooomed, and start looking for flats in Willesden (Willesden? Leyton would be a better bet, guys). Ash and Scalliq are sad that their siblings have no faith in them...well DUH!

NC plot involving Mickney, Big Mo and a load of coloured rice.

Teen digs out another slatternly dress. Denman is impressed. Slutty tells Denman she's watching him. Denman calls her a perv.

Polzilla/Dothra bicker about the wedding and criticise Ethel's preparations. Moomin and MMartin grab the Simplet and escape, using the old dirty nappy excuse. Good move, Moomin. I use that one a lot.

Adull gets a mortgage offer just as the comedy bailiffs breaking down the door, and the Kidz are yelling "kiss my chuddies". But it matters not, young Adull. Chief Comedy bailiff says that they still have to move out while court decides what to do next. Oh no! This plot is set to run and run, isn't it?

Back to Tink/Fool. Tink tells Fool that he only has five minutes to live, and he can't put Ethel 2.0 through the pain and emotional trauma of having to change his colostomy bag or whatever. Fool says he has to tell Ethel, but Tink uses his Tinkly wiles to convice Fool to just let him leave. With Dignity. And Husband 1.0's war medals. Fool gives him a last hug, and oops, there go the medals. Fool is confused. Tink puts on his Avengers Evil Heavy look. But in the Avengers he was usually wearing a jaunty beret and striped jumper. It doesn't really work as well in a linen suit. Maybe he should have borrowed Patrick Macnee's swordstick.

WILF TO POWER

This is going to cover Friday and Monday, but before I start I should mention that I saw Minty in real life yesterday! I was in that crappy shopping centre at Angel Islington and there he was! Wearing a naff, oatmeal coloured linen suit, birkenstock type sandal things and trendoid sunglasses - he looked like a German architect or something!

Anyway - Fool is still really obviously flinching and refusing to touch Slutty and, I assume, is also witholding the sex. The big surprise turns out to be a pool table. Boring! When Andy pops round the vic, they mock him and he runs away. Slutty asks fool to roughly take her on the pool table and Fool therefore challenges her to a game of pool. Slutty wins, but is losing the game of love. Or something.

Moomin and Martin moan about the wedding and their interfering rellies. They say that they want to be married but without all the hassle of an actual wedding. It's called "cohabitation" kids - look into it! They catch Dot meddling again, have another stroppy fit and then go and talk about going away to stay with Michelle a bit.

A-Garrry says he can no longer babysit for Ian as it's just too hard, dammit!

LadyDen continues her progression down Bunny Boiler Avenue. She constantly asks where O-Den is going, scans his coat for stray lady hairs, checks his alibis out with Shazza (and catches him out in a LIE) and then starts phoning all the numbers in his diary. she is crazy in love uh-oh uh-oh uh-oh etc. O-Den phones mystery wench and says he has to cool things a bit.

Also it is Vickney's 18th Birthday. O-Den gets her a fancy watch and she has a party in the club. shazza goes into full-on, eye bulging Blonde Mentalist Mode as a) LadyDen cooks a fancy birthday breakfast and "does Vickney's hair" somehow - dude, it is shorter than mine - what exactly can she do to it? which all makes Shazza jealous. Then the tired rotting corpse of crypto incest mister sister/brother loving is exhumed and Denman and Shazza start making cryptic comments and staring meaningfully at each a lot. Denman wants Shazza's permission to bone Teen or something. Teen says she will only give up her bootay to Denman if it isn't a one night stand. Denman kind of agrees. Slutty tells Teen that she is making a mistake with Denman but Teen ignores her. Shazza makes loads of bitchy comments about the whole thing and wobbles her jaw a lot. They have more cryptic conversations that I am totally not interested in and then Shazza decides she fancies Denman after all and goes to tell him but finds Teen slinking round the flat in Denman's shirt, the minx. In the end Shazza says that Teen is a nice girl and Denman can do what he likes and that Shazza will get over him in her own time. She makes a face like she is smiling through the pain or crying on the inside or something. I know how you feel, love.

Pat says she will use her super book keeping powers to convince the bank that the Ferrieraz can afford to stay in the house. Go Pat! Meanwhile Scalliq and DJ Ross change all the house numbers round to confuse the bailiffs under cover of Gus and Juley playing 5 a side with some Blazing Squad look-a-likeys. Flip reverse it, boys! What did that even mean?

In further Pat action, now that she no longer has Juhneen, Simpleton or Bobby to obsess about, she has taken to pining outside the car lot and fingering her ring (oo er missis, etc). Tink stops by and says that he will buy the car lot and let Pat manage it! Pat is delighted! Don't trust him Pat, he is like Max Von Sydow in Stephen King's Needful Things!

Two weddings in two weeks? When I were a lad a soap wedding was a special occassion! Desperation much? EE writers? Anyhoo, Tink and Ethel 2.0 are getting all excited about their wedding. Fool asks where Tink is taking Ethel on honeymoon and Tink is all "A who's in the what now?" Fool explains that Ethel never had a honeymoon before on account of the nazi threat that hung over Europe etc so Tink says "Doh!" and runs around phoning travel agents blah blah. Also he occasionally makes evil faces to himself in the mirror. Ruh roh. In the end he announces to the Entire Vic that he has booked somewhere in the Carribbean. On a bank holiday, shyeah right. Everyone cheers etc. Tink goes upstairs and tears the brochure in half. Evilly.