OK, I haven't watched this since New Year's Eve, when I was forced to see something about a gay bloke, son of her off Goodness Gracious Me. Actually, it was quite good, and despite myself I enjoyed it.

So, here's the live one, and it's all dark, which is good.

Roxi-er-Ronnie tells Ronni-er-Roxie that Archie raped JoJo Slater-Branning-err...who is JoJo married to these days? Apparently Bradley is supposed to be accused of murdering Archie? Bradley? He couldn't even murder his own Dad for sleeping with his girlfriend. Dadley and other chap help Bradley and JoJo go on the lam.

JoJo - having meaningfully gazed for some time at some BLOOD-coloured finger paintings - tries to tell Bradley Something Important, but bottles out (I think). As they're saying their goodbyes to Dadley and other bloke, the Met's finest are at the door. They scrabble around for the back door key. Yeah, because the Met are so STUPID they wouldn't have the back door covered. Meanwhile JoJo Ma is showing everybody pictures of her little angel and looking vaguely happy in the pub.

Ronni-er-Roxie asks Roxi-er-Ronnie how she could be sure...Roxi-er-Ronnie says he raped her too. Ew.

Juhneen (hooray) is looking bloody marvellous and gets shouted at by Biancaa for ruining a cake. Then she waves some keys at Babs (thought she'd gone) and accuses Babs of framing her. She seems to have acquired a cute boyfriend from somewhere.

Dot has obviously demanded that she needs to sit down all the way through this, and does her best tortured face while discussing whatever terrible secret she has with the Bealemeister. I thought Beale was banged up for the moider of Archie already?

Fil has worked himself up into a glorious strawberry hue, and smashes up Ian's living room, looking for a tin or something. Fil tells Ian that his "skank of a daughter" told him that Ian has...erm something...and errr...I'm lost.

Atkins appears to be carrying on with Fil, and has turned over a bloodstained shirt to the police. And he's got to give his best man's speech in a minute. Babs says she'll sort it out.

Oh no...I'm just seen Araminta with his shirt off...my EEEYYYYYESSS. They've decided to keep Billy busy and away from proper Acting by staging a drinking competition between him, Dasbo and assorted guests in frilly dresses.

-

There's red stuff everywhere in the Vic bathroom and Ronni-er-Roxie is lying on the bed. I dunno...bad period? Roxi-er-Ronnie doesn't believe her story about being raped by Archie. Oh, I'm confused. There is shouting, fighting and lots of crying, and Babs joins in the fun.

Bradley and JoJo can't take the tube out of town because the police are guarding the door. They try to take a taxi, but Bradley remembers that he's left the passports back in the house. Pity they don't work for Mossad really. The

Dot and Ian are playing 'e's dead with a family video from the Beale/Fowler video vaults. There's Ange, Shazza, the first Mark Fowler, 'Shell, Kaffee, Tweacle and Arfur. And then the video dies...

Bradley returns home in time to see Dadley and err...other bloke being taken away. He creeps away from the coppers, and...then his phone goes off. Oh no, he climbs up on a handy roof. Who'd have thought an accountant could be so fit?

Oh NOO! He's jumped! Or did he stumble on the slightly unstable mid-Victorian lead flashing.

JoJo and Dadley try to come to terms with the sight of Bradley's motionless form on the tarmac, blood draining from his cheeks and onto the road. JoJo finally says what she's been meaning to say, ever since she sat contemplating the BLOOD RED finger painting while Bradley packed...

And then George Lamb starts talking and I have to remove all sharp objects from the room.